My lifeline

Truth or Dare.

I have been writing less of late. Physically restraining myself from opening up my blog and adding a new piece of myself to it. If there is no post then there is no dated, time stamped evidence of it. Nothing to be thrown back into my face as proof that I am shirking my duties elsewhere.

It is an obsession, I am told. An addiction.

obsession (noun) 1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety. 2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.
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The need to write is a visceral one. I am a writer only if I keep writing. If it is an obsession, I can think of none better or more reasonable for a writer to embrace.
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addiction (noun): the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity. a. The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something. b. An instance of this: had an addiction to blogging.
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Weaving Grace_DiasporaMy life is a succession of vicious circles. There are good days and bad. Those are easy enough to bare. What I struggle with is that empty space where apathy creeps in. It has ceased being a question long ago. Now it visits me only as a statement: “There is no point.”
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Late at night. In the light of day. Its grip is relentless. This is why I started writing. A writer adrift. In search of fulfilment. No. It is so much more than that. It is a lifeline. The one thing that keeps me breathing. Gives me something to wake up for every morning.

It is beyond comprehension to me why anyone would want to make me feel guilty for it.

Is there a distinction between writing and blogging? Perhaps… I see blogging as an extension of my development as a writer. It keeps my writing muscles flexed. It keeps me working, creating, even when I am not inspired, so that when the muse does visit she can find me ready, pen in hand.

I am back. Guilt-ridden. Fractured. Emptied out. Yet here. For another day at least.

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25 thoughts on “My lifeline

  1. Know the feeling, Vic; I too am addicted, obsessed – however one wishes to put it. And, yea, can identify with the guilt too. Hugs. Ali xxx

    • Thank you, Ali. I knew you’d understand. I find the guilt crippling. It scoops out every ounce of drive and creativity. I have no substitute for writing. It is the one thing that gives me purpose, but sometimes I wonder if those who are not writers themselves can understand how deeply ingrained this need to keep writing is.

      • No, I don’t think they can – and, for this reason, they tend, at times, to use all the rhetorical and manipulative tricks in the book to keep that cauldron of guilt boiling ‘merrily’ away. They accuse us of being secretive or antisocial or retreating into a fantasy world. Perhaps they would rather we were addicts of a more conventional kind. xxx

      • One of the reasons it took me so many years to claim the label of a writer was because I was forever told that being a writer is not a “proper” job. I was supposed to follow convention, get a job that pays the bills, do something worthwhile. The implication of course is that writing is none of these things and never could be. I beg to differ.

  2. I agree totally. For me this ‘blog’ is not only an outlet for writing but also a spur when inspiration seems like a half forgotten friend. I think that any writing is positive in as much as it provides a frame work on which to develop one’s skills (or at least try to.)

    • Thank you, Chris. I have been using the blog to hone my skills as a writer. I have said this first when I began the Relationship Interrupted series: I think best when I think with others. Making my writing public is part of the process and I have found it so far to be a positive experience. Now I have to find a way to manage it alongside my many other responsibilities. Guilt may be the price I have to pay in the attempt.

  3. Vic,

    Don’t listen to those people. As long as your ADL’s are not interfered with, and your job is good, your marriage is good and you manage your time you can blog as you wish.

    If you are on the verge of being fired, then you need to manage your time better. Don’t listen to the negativity.

    Everyone has “free time” and needs recreation. One cannot “work” 24 hours a day. Work hard, play hard…

  4. I do not believe that you are neglecting anything essential.

    And will not until you prove to me that you are. 😉

    If you wish to debate that, proceed.

    I have certainly noticed your lack of tweets and blogs. Your tweets are not many, and you typically do them in a “spurt” of about 10 minutes or less. Certainly in a 24 hour period one has 10 minutes to spare for a bit of fun.

    Your blog post tweets share automatically when you write the blog.

    As for your blogging. I have no idea how long it takes you to write a blog.

    I typically spend less than 10 minutes. Including making any silly pictures, and adding musical links.

    My work is more like free association, and I simply write or make it up on the spot. And if it’s good to me, or funny, in it goes.

    I imagine your process is different. But I cannot imagine you take eons to write a blog post. Even if you strive for perfection.

  5. Yes blogging is writing but I do find it time-consuming. It sabotages my other writing but I’ve only just started blogging last year and I’m not that organised. 🙂

    Keep it up, you’re just so good at it!

  6. You are right. No one should make you feel guilty for blogging. Everyone has a hobby, whether it be writing, sports, crafts, computer projects and for some – watching TV. Writing is a lifeline. It is a release and it’s extremely therapeutic. It also helps us to improve our writing skills, which for some can turn into a professional and paid career.

    Plus, if it’s scheduled appropriately throughout the day, then none of our other responsibilities will fall through the cracks. Not everyone will understand why we write and that is perfectly okay. They don’t need to.

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