PROJECT R : A Recipe for Marital Bliss

The Don’t Be that Dude! re-blog, received some criticism due to its failure to acknowledge that there are indeed many males (academic and not) who are doing there best to get it right.

I promised to redress the balance, and what better way than to share with you a link to the blog of one of these men who is not only trying, but getting it right (or so I shall maintain until there is clear spouse-given-evidence to the contrary).

Whilst our adult selves know full well that marriage is seldom followed by the effortless “happily ever after” that fairy tales would have us believe, it is often less clear what could be done to ensure that at least some semblance of contentment is reached and maintained post certificate signing.

Terry McGlynn, Small Pond Science ecologist, proud father and husband, attempts to demystify the working-couple life-balance fandango. It’s a great read, ladies and gentlemen. I’ve already made my list of DOs and DON’Ts. Just sharing the love…

…in the hope that it will help avoid the Desperate Housewife scenario pictured below.

Happily never after…

For the controversial (?) Don’t be That Dude! article you can follow the link below. Incidentally, it has this article embedded as a link under point number 9.Take an equal share in housework and childcare duties at home.

Because you’re worth it.

This is PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted.

On a vicbriggs blog-screen near you from the 14th to the 31st of October

Single and fabulous? Married and happily ever after? Neither? That’s ok. Have your say anyway!

Why? Because a friend needs me, and I need you. All I can do is be there for them and come up with ways to help.

How? Just follow the link below and answer eight questions about relationships or lack thereof, love and fulfilment, failure and success, flaws and accomplishments, and soul-mates. .

There is no right or wrong way to approach this. Your way is the right way. It is up to you whether your answer is prose or verse, stream of consciousness or iambic pentameter.

 Please send your contribution for PROJECT R to:

The deadline for submissions is Sunday, the 13th of October.

All for a good cause.



Project R’s “they” section was inspired by Lucia Lorenzi’s On Being Alone: Rethinking the Single Life. To read her post, follow this link: It is a beautifully written and insightful piece. Perhaps it may help you with your own.

Project R is also somewhat of a nod and wink to AOpinionatedMan’s Project O, a project on Opinion hosted on his blog during September. Follow this link to view contributions to this project:


My travels with depression

I wanted to share this link with you, and my comments to the author’s confession. It is such a tough journey to make from depression to health. I hope this helps.


I recognised so much of myself in what you wrote. I write fiction. This grounds my search for identity. It was only once I admitted to being depressed – not the colloquial, everyday ‘depressed’ that people use instead of saying ‘sad’, but the big-D depressed, when your world implodes and there is nothing you can do about it – it was only then that I was able to identify a recurring theme in my writing. All my characters undergo identity crises. These differ in type, intensity and texture, but ultimately the motif is always there.

“How could I express this bizarre lack of identity or the way I swap and change personality to please the company I keep?” you say.

I believe we all do that in our teens, when we haven’t quite figured out who we are. Mimetic behaviour is also normal in adulthood, it is akin to empathy, but of course, what you refer to goes far deeper than that. It comes I believe from a deep-seated need for acceptance. From a belief that we are not enough. Truth is, you are enough. We always demand more of ourselves than others ever do. Depression intensifies the pain, and makes it difficult for us to have a positive self-image.

“Would he understand the secret emotional immaturity, like a child pretending to be an adult?” you continue.

Pretence… We all do it. Most of us most of the time, or perhaps some of us some of the time, fake it. Sometime we make it, other times we don’t. There is nothing wrong with keeping the child within alive, but I would like to hear more from you about this. I am not sure I fully grasped what you meant by it.

“How do I admit an inability to sustain friendships or relationships?  Is it significant that I told my partner to leave because I was terrified of his abandonment?”

Attack as a form of defence. Building walls. Keeping all at a distance. Depression does that. Admitting that it is not you, but the depression in you that makes all this happen, can help lift the burden of guilt. A small step perhaps, but a step in the right direction nonetheless.

“Do I even recognise that the chronic emptiness is anything other than “normal”?”

This hollowing out is the worst thing that depression does. We project all that is good outwards, and are left completely empty. I don’t have the answer to how the process can be reversed. Acceptance. Perseverance. Openness. Every attempt can make a difference. In time…

You story-telling technique is wonderful. The twist unexpected. Thank you.


The face of feminism

I don’t think I have a funny bone. At least not funny enough to do stand up. However, that’s never stopped me from trying so… here’s a joke (the only one) I’ve come up with. A little nod to Rousseau and Feminism. Seems fitting.

JJR: “Man is born free, yet everywhere he is in chains…”

ME: “And Woman?”

JJR: “Woman should be satisfied with the chains she is born into.”

ME: “Is Woman not born free?”

JJR: “Not if Man has anything to say about it.”

Do you have a favourite joke on the subject? Feel free to share. Would love to hear what you have to say.


i was a misogynist.

At first glance the title of this article may persuade you to believe that the author is a man. Not so.

Without realising it, this writer had absorbed and acted in accordance to prejudices that went against the gender to which she belonged. This article tells you the story of how she came to finally understand and rid herself of such self-destructive attitudes that had been for a long time a strain both on her own self-worth, but also on her relationships with loved ones.


Women In Journalism

A thoughtful and informative article about the struggles women endure in their attempt to get their voices heard, their pen-woman-ship read.