Shards of Sanity

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She stood alone at the top of the mountain, surrounded by a sea of bleached snow. Strings of evergreens lined the periphery of her sight, burrowing deep into the horizon. Falling, always falling, an incessant curtain of white.

The boundaries of direct-less space canvassed her sensory experience. Her mind was clear, empty of fear and hope, moving in stillness, at one with the icy precipitous vastness. At once she pushed forth, her body entrusted to the pull of gravity.

Downward. Sliding. Faster and faster. A solitary sail against the wind. One thought, her only point of reference ahead: nothing matters. She accelerated. Ten miles, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, fifty-three, fifty-six miles per hour. Her body — a disintegrating flash of light.

When you plummet disoriented into the abyss… are you floating?

 

Related article: Unfaithful

Alone Together

How-to-cope-with-a-breakup

I sensed your arduous gaze upon me fixed

It burnt me through. I beg of you: relent.

To love your world entire you have risked,

But why did not you ask what it all meant?

 

Can you not see how deeply I am hurt

And suffer silent, saddened and despised.

What vows, what promises did you assert

Would leave my universe uncompromised?

 

This sad reality you do not see

That doom was all thy pity’s recompense.

Absconded cosmic realms in your flee,

But yours is lust, its fire too intense.

 

You knew my fate is to another chained.

How to break free I do not wish to know.

Your jealous pleas have left me anguished, pained,

Dreading the hour when again you’ll show.

 

I wish you were less proud in pursuit,

Abandon this resolve to break my will.

What would you do if I did follow suit?

Can you be certain you would love me still?  

 

You ask too much of me. Can’t leave behind

My life entire for your sake alone

I cannot guess at what you have in mind,

But I’m no toy for you to take and own

 

Then fling aside when sated in your play

Without any risk of a reprove.  

This need of you I choose not to obey,

And from my sight temptation will remove.

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Unfaithful

Reflections

What do you see when you look in the mirror? And the mirror? What does the mirror see when it looks into you?

She wished that she could reach into that other world and demand a decision. Not a small decision about this or that part of her life, but a momentous decision… That all-changing look the other way. She had been searching for answers in all the wrong places, trying to avoid making a choice. It was madness to even think it. Could she leave all behind, start again? Will she?

– How do you feel?

– Trapped. Trapped by promises I’ve made in good faith and can no longer keep. Trapped by a sense of duty.

– Why do you waiver?

– Because of what I have to forfeit if I stay.

– And what is that?

– Love.

– Are you certain it’s love?

– No. It is not. It is the chance to find it out.

– Only the possibility of it? It does not seem like much to give up…

– You wouldn’t say so if you felt the way I do.

– How do you feel?

– Resentful. Resentful of the life that has entrapped me with its shine and lustre. A life that had me… domesticated. I used to be a wolf. I hunted my own prey. I’ve lost my hunger. That hunger was all that I had. It drove me forward through this pointless, purposeless existence. I am sated and discontented. I want to find the wolf within again.

– What’s stopping you?

– What I have to forfeit if I leave.

– Security?

– No. It is not. It’s so much more than that. I would be cut out from my pack, ostracised from the world that I spent a lifetime building.

– And won’t you take the risk? Walk out of the door?

– I am too afraid. I fear the unknown. I fear being alone, helpless, with no one to care whether I live or die. I fear that all that awaits me on the other side is the abyss… endless misery and untimely death.

– Then you must conquer your fears.

– How can I?

– I do not know. It is a mystery.

Does it speak to you, that face beyond the pale? It was only a mirror – a reflection.

Twinned lives. One decision. Infinite possibilities.

vicbriggs for HarsH ReaLiTy

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This article was first published as a guest post on HarsH ReaLiTy: http://aopinionatedman.com/2013/11/10/unfaithful/ with the following reblog message: My fourth contribution to HarsH ReaLiTy is somewhat of a departure from the rule. It is a snapshot into the inner world of a woman whose life is falling apart, and who slowly, but surely descends into madness. She thinks that what’s at stake is her marriage, her life as she knows it. But what she does not yet realise, is that in delaying her decision, she risks losing her sanity.