Under another sky
You words may be less cutting,
They could not plunge so deep
Nor tear away my light.
Under another sky
Their vitriol rebutting,
You may not watch me bleed
And you would be contrite.
Let echoes have your keep,
I flee this endless night,
Redrawn horizons weaving
Under another sky.
*
Let’s Talk Opinion in conversation with OM
I was rather surprised to discover today that I am not a woman after all. I may look like one, but try as I much as I may, I was unable to identify with the “typical” female behaviour described by OM in his recent post about Those things women do… Perhaps it is a matter of perspective or perhaps I’ve been too busy juggling the daily challenges of existence to find time to fit into the required mould. Or perhaps… it was an accident of birth and I was allocated the wrong gender? This will not do.
Now… I know that OM’s posts are often tongue-in-cheek, so my reply ought to be allowed to be in kind. What do women do exactly? Here are OM’s findings:
They “Ask where something is before actually looking for it first.”
Yep. My grandpa used to do this a lot. Poor granny was forever searching for the things he had misplaced. Wait a moment… This does’t quite fit. I’m supposed to be searching for evidence in the women’s drawers. I’m more a woman of action myself. If something is missing, I’ll go find it. No question about it.
Need to delve deeper… Aha! Got it!
Before smart phones and map apps came to the fore, I would always ask policemen for directions. I figured that since they patrol the area, they are in a better position to tell me where things are than anyone else. I do the same when shopping in a supermarket I’m unfamiliar with. Rather than wondering aimlessly around the shop floor, I ask the nearest assistant to help me find whatever it is I’m looking for.
You know what. I’ve a mind that “looking for it first” is a bit of a time-waster when it comes to both. Whether you happen to be a man or a woman, when others are in the know: ask. You are on this earth for a limited amount of time; I say you’ve got better things to do than going on a wild goose chase when someone could help if only you dared request it.
Sorry, OM. Afraid you lost me on this one. It’s a rational choice issue when it comes to time and resource management, rather than gender-based preference 😉
“Upon marriage women suddenly lose the ability to reach anything above their shoulders,” says OM.
It is the greatest of burdens for husbands everywhere, reaching out for that top shelf. It’s become an endemic problem; so much so that the top reason given by men when filing for divorce in 2013 was “over-straining of wrist due to wife’s refusal to reach for anything above her shoulders.”
I was shocked to discover that the additional weight of her engagement and wedding rings did not stop weightlifting champion Svetlana Podobedova from securing a gold medal at the 2012 London Olympics. In fact, being in possession of a marriage certificate proved to be so unproblematic that I had to rush online to search for proof of a divorce. Surely no married woman would’ve bothered to lift that thing up when there was a husband in the stands to do it for her? Perhaps Podobedova did not hear of this rule. Must draft up an emergency letter to inform her asap!
A word of warning from, OM, so take note: “Women, if you have a husband or boyfriend that is secure enough about themselves not to care if you go out with your girlfriends all night that doesn’t mean we want to hear about the whole damn evening the next day… all day.”
I hear you, man. I hear you. You’ve no idea how many pub night stories I’ve had to listen to in my day. This happened, then that happened, then the other. Same goes for blow-by-blow rendition of any other kind of outing. Don’t even get me started about sports.
You’re right, OM. Women do it too, but there’s a catch. That glint in the eye when we tell our story, delving for the most inconsequential of details… ever notice it? Oh. Yes. We are having a blast. I’ll let you into a secret: women don’t go on all day long about what they’ve been up to because they want to share. It’s payback for all the boring stuff we’ve had to listen to day in day out, week after week, ad nauseam.
Alright. I may have embellished a little. Ok. A LOT. No matter. You liked it enough to put a ring on it, so listening to your other half’s revelling narratives is part of the deal – no matter which side of the gender divide you find yourself on.
“Be aware of how many “can you sentences” that you ask of your man each day,” advises OM.
This must be a specifically American problem. You see, us Brits have centuries of experience to draw on when it comes to our significant others’ physical ability. We need not ask what they can and cannot do.
We are rather big on subtext over here too. However, when there is something we need a little helping hand with “Would you be so kind as to…?” is always the question of choice. 😉
Oho. I must tread carefully when it comes to the next one. It sounds like a toe or two will be in need of bandaging any moment now: “If your husband or boyfriend does the dishes or laundry try not to complain. If your significant other does the cleaning ALL THE TIME, just keep your damn mouth shut period!”
You heard him, ladies. Let’s keep calm and carry on. We are all aware that the division of labour when it comes to household tasks has been rather hard on men over the years. Just think of what they have to deal with on a daily basis. They wake up early in the morning, make breakfast to give you that extra half hour in bed, get the kids ready, have to do the school run before rushing off to work, and it does’t stop there. Once at work, there is the matter of all those women colleagues having an easier go of it when it comes to high pay and promotion, so you understand why at the end of the day they might be unable to be as attentive when sweeping floors, washing dishes, polishing the silver and so on.
Give them a break. It’s not easy juggling a career, kinds and being a domestic goddess on top of all that. Sorry, domestic god. I meant to say domestic god.
Make sure to let “your man” know that you appreciate all their hard work. And if your whites turn pink every now and then because he accidentally put a red sock in the washing machine, just shrug and smile. We like pink, don’t we?
In fact, go one step further and buy them something pretty to say thank you. OM is quite right: “These are tough economic times women” and certainly we should’t “get angry at your husband for actually not getting you a gift.” Instead, I think we should focus on what we can do to make them feel the love. We just don’t take the time to make romantic gestures these days. Some men pretend that they would rather get tickets to a football match than receive flowers, but we all know that’s not true.
When it comes to OM’s next piece of advice I have to say I’m at a disadvantage. Jealousy is something I am utterly unfamiliar with. As a writer too, it makes life rather difficult. I have to add it to my list of things to research, rather like a sociopath having to learn how normal human beings react emotionally to a situation. But I’m getting ahead of myself. You must have OM’s take on this first:
“If you are the jealous type of women than understand that about yourself and try to think rationally. This is hard, I know, but before you snap at your husband or boyfriend for looking at the chest of the waitress stop and ask yourself this, “was he may be reading her name tag?””
You see my problem now? I am not the jealous type. If my husband looks at another woman’s chest, chances are it’s because I’ve made a comment about it first and he’s inspecting the supporting evidence. Or unsupported – as the case may be.
I am also yet to find myself in a situation where rational thought eludes me. Although I have to say that my interlocutor underestimates the value of an emotional response: at least you can be certain that you haven’t married a sociopath, and that’s something in this day and age. Have you seen the news lately? Domestic homicide is on the rise.
And this bring’s us nicely to OM’s last point: “Women seem to love social drama. They watch it on TV and chatter about it with their friends. Suddenly a “friend’s” relationship problem is your own because you decided to reexamine your own partner due to your friend’s current drama. That is insane.”
Ahem. I’m yet to come across a woman who does that, although if OM says they exist it must be so. In the absence of personal experience in this case, I will have to ask you, dear readers, to share you own, if you would be so kind.
What is the one thing you want the woman or man in your life to stop doing?
Related Articles: On women being crazy and You Are Not White Enough!
*
Let’sTalk Opinion posts engage with issues that are important to other bloggers, connecting with others on matters close to their heart. If you like a topic and would like to contribute, please feel free to add to the comment box, reblog, share, email or message me on Twitter @shardsofsilence.
Or if you happen to be a fellow Hogwartsian send me a letter by owl. 
Age and youth. Their concerns are disparate. Where youth sees the promise of love and a bright future ahead, age has the wisdom of the past to forewarn of the dangers of such optimism. I wasn’t sure whether this was the right place to go. It may not be apparent in this scene as yet, but I am going back in time to revisit the theme of the first act, but from a somewhat different angle. This scene opens the door a little only. It announces without revealing. What do you think will happen next?
Smoke… by Vic Briggs
SMOKE… Act I/Scene 1
ACT II/ SCENE 2
Same room as scenes 2 and 3 Act I. Emma now fifty-two is sitting at the table typing away on her laptop. Laura, nineteen, is sitting on the bed reading a book. She is distracted, She keeps looking up from her book and towards her mother. Eventually she puts her book aside and walks to the window.
Laura. Mum?
Emma. (not looking up from her computer) Yes dear?
Laura. Mum, I need to talk to you.
Emma. (continues to type) I have a deadline. Can’t it wait?
Laura. I suppose.
Laura. Returns to the bed and takes up her book. Leafs it for a few moments as if searching for a specific page. Gives up and puts it back down. She fidgets trying to get comfortable then gives up on that too. She stands up and walks back to the window, looking wistfully towards the audience.)
Laura. (to no one in particular) What a beautiful evening.
Emma. (typing away) What did you say dear?
Laura. (turning her head towards her mother) It’s nice outside. I think I will go out for a walk.
Emma. It’s going to rain. (stops typing and looks in the direction of her daughter) They said it was going to rain tonight.
Laura. I’ll take an umbrella.
Emma. You lost our last one.
Laura. (sighs) Oh, never mind. I don’t think I’ll go. (turning towards her mother) Can you talk now?
Emma. Sure. I can talk now. (indicates for Laura to approach) I’ll take a break. Do you want some tea?
Laura. No, no. I just want to talk to you. (takes her mother’s hand and brings her to the bed. They both sit down).
Emma. Well?
Laura. Mum.
Emma. Observes her daughter. Begins to look apprehensive..
Laura. (exhales loudly) I met someone.
Emma. Is that all?
Laura. (tentatively) We’re in love.
Emma. (laughing) Already?
Laura. (stands up from the bed, looks offended). Yes, already. How else do people fall in love?
Emma. Fine. Fine. So who is he?
Laura. (sits back down.) How do you know it is a he?
Emma. (a little surprised) Isn’t… this person a he?
Laura. You don’t have to look so worried. Yes. A he.
Emma. It wouldn’t have mattered, you know.
Laura. I know.
Emma. (waiting) I’ll make us some tea…
Emma disappears through a lateral door into an adjacent room. The sound of a kettle being filled up and some clattering of china is audible. Laura paces from the bed to the door of the kitchen, peers through about to say something, but then changes her mind and walks back to the bed. She sits down. She stands up again. Emma appears in the frame of the kitchen door, leans against it and crosses her arms on her chest, watching her daughter. Laura smiles and sits down on the bed again.
Emma: So?
Laura. So what?
Emma. Well! Are you going to give me any details? Who is he? How did you meet?When do I get to meet him?
Emma walks over to the bed and sits down again, next to her daughter. They hold hands as Laura confides.
Laura. He is someone from uni. We met at a party. You won’t get to meet him any time soon.
Emma. What do you mean ‘someone’? What bloody party? You’ve never been to any!
Laura. (lets go of her mother’s hands and stands up, incensed) I knew it! You don’t like him already and you don’t know the first thing about him!
Emma. Laura…
Laura. Mother!
Emma stands up from the bed and faces her daughter.
Emma. (now sounding worried) Answer my question. What do you mean ‘someone’? Is he an OLDER man?
Laura. (laughing) What if he is?
Emma. Don’t play games with me. This is serious. Who is he?
Laura. Oh! Stop worrying for nothing. He’s a student.
Laura catches her mother’s hand and draws her near. Emma looks relieved and embraces her daughter. The sound of the kettle from the back room announces that the water is ready for tea, so Emma goes into the kitchen. The audience cannot see her, but they can hear her voice clearly as her conversation with Laura continues.
Emma. So why don’t I get to meet him?
Laura. Because you’re going to scare him off.
Emma. I’ll do no such thing.
Laura. Promise?
Emma, re-enters the room, two steaming mugs in hand. She walks over to the bed and holds one of them out for Laura.
Emma. (mocking) I solemnly swear!
Laura. On your job?
Emma. Do I have to?
Laura nods.
Emma. Alright then.
Laura. Takes the extended cup and sips from it. She burns her lip slightly.
Laura. I’m meeting his parents on Sunday for brunch. Wanna come with?
Emma does not answer. She takes her mug over to the window and sets it on the windowsill. She retrieves a pack of cigarettes from the inner pocket of her cardigan and opens it up slowly, all the while looking into the distance.
Laura continues to stand in the exact spot as when she asked her question, unmoving.
The light dims on the entire scene, with the exception of the window where Emma lights up a cigarette and draws the smoke deep into her lungs before exhaling. The lights go out.
Exit
I would like to add a disclaimer before sharing the second scene of the play with you. When it comes to use of language on this blog, I keep it clean. I find that using swear words – when writing about political issues or when engaging in discussions with other bloggers – is simply not necessary to get one’s point across, and may even detract from the message.
Unfortunately I can not always use the same level of censorship when it comes to creative writing, as whatever language I may prefer to use, sometimes characters seem to demand otherwise. The F-word appears repeatedly in this instalment of Smoke. I considered using asterisks instead, but thought it may detract from the text. Having made my choice, I’m curious to know what you think of it. Does it serve its purpose or not? Would the effect of the scene be diluted or improved without the swearing? Look forward to your views.
ACT I / SCENE 1: SMOKE…
ACT 1/ SCENE 2
A small room, a door at the back, the empty space towards the stage has a large window-frame hanging from the rafters. Emma (thirty-two) and Fred (twenty-six) are alone in the room. Emma is sitting on a chair, Fred is on the bed.
Emma. Fred… we need to talk about this.
Fred. We have talked about it. You know my position. You’ve known it from the start.
Emma. Stands up from the chair, takes one step towards the bed, then changes her mind and sits back down.
Emma. Time is running out for… I thought –
Fred. That I would change my mind? Well. I didn’t. And I won’t.
Fred. Takes his eyes off the game he was playing on his iPhone for a moment and looks at Emma’s distraught features.
Fred. Oh! For Christ’s sake. Don’t cry, Emma. This is a cheap trick. You KNEW that I didn’t want to have children. Not before. Not now. Not ever.
Emma. Fine. Fine. (She breathes in. Breathes out. Clenches her fists.) Then get out. (louder) Get the fuck out!
Fred. Gets off the bed and moves towards the back door. Opens it. Holds it for a moment and takes a final look at Emma who remains seated in the exact same position on the chair.
Fred. Is this what you want? Is this really what you want, Emma? If I get out of this door I’m never coming back again.
Emma. Promises. Promises.
Fred. I mean it.
Emma. Read my lips: Get out. Get the fuck out!
Fred. Oh. Fuck you, Em.
Fred exits. Emma sits in silence for a moment, listening to the sound of his steps dying out. She raises herself from the chair, with more difficulty this time and walks towards the window. She sparks a cigarette and smokes, looking towards the imagined horizon.
The light dims and then brightens again in quick successions to indicate the passing of time, several days’ worth. Emma continues to stand at the window smoking throughout.
The back door opens tentatively. Fred pokes his head through.
Fred. Emma?
Emma. Does not turn. Continues at the window, smoking.
Fred. May I come in?
Emma. No response. Fred. Steps back into the room, closes the door behind him, but remains standing by it. He reveals a bunch of flowers.
Fred. Em… I brought you these. I’m sorry.
Emma. Puts the cigarette out in an ashtray on the windowsill and half-turns towards him. Fred looks remorseful. Emma starts laughing.
Emma. What a bloody cliché you are!
Fred. Holds the flowers tentatively towards her. She appears to consider taking them. She steps towards him, takes the flowers and puts them on the table. They embrace. Fred takes her to the bed and they start making love.
The lights go out.
Exit.
My fourth contribution to HarsH ReaLiTy is somewhat of a departure from the rule. It is a snapshot into the inner world of a woman whose life is falling apart, and who slowly, but surely descends into madness. She thinks that what’s at stake is her marriage, her life as she knows it. But what she does not yet realise, is that in delaying her decision, she risks losing her sanity.
You have been amazing. Thank you!
Project R is now officially completed and all scheduled posts have been published.
I have initiated this project to help a friend whose heart had been broken. In choosing to answer the Q&A and think through the question of relationships, by visiting and commenting on this project, you have all been a key part of the healing process.
I have always believed that if what we write helps at least one person, even in the smallest of ways, then it is a worthwhile endeavour. I believe it still and would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for delving deep and sharing your experiences. Every single one of them has been a step for the better.
In closing I would like to say that I have learnt a lot from this project both by engaging with your views, but also from the experience of sharing my blog with you.
By providing a window into your world, you have enriched more than one’s view of love and relationships.
Your support was remarkable and it gave me the opportunity to discover new writers, photographers and artists that may have otherwise remained unknown to me.
I hope you too have found this a fruitful and rewarding undertaking, and have made new connections as a result.
Thank you again to all participants.
It all comes down to relationships, the connections we make. In future posts I will try to provide some insight into what I have learnt and will invite you to add your own insights to a diverse range of topics.
Please feel free to add to the comment box, reblog, share, email or message me on Twitter @shardsofsilence.
For the more adventurous of you and those versed in the ways of magic, perhaps send me a letter by owl 🙂
Future discussion posts will be marked by the subtitle Let’s Talk Opinion.
*
If you have missed an entry or would like to revisit a favourite, here are the links to all PROJECT R submissions:
PROJECT R in session #1 Alienora Taylor
PROJECT R in session #2 KG
PROJECT R in session #3 Joanne Paul
PROJECT R in session #4 Susan Irene Fox
PROJECT R in session #5 Winifred M. Reilly
PROJECT R in session #6 Charlotte Wilson
PROJECT R in session #7 Gfixation
PROJECT R in session #8 Shallow Nothings
PROJECT R in session #9 Jessica Masters
PROJECT R in session #10 Sreejit Poole
PROJECT R in session #11 Iuli
PROJECT R in session #12 Andy Kaufman’s Kavalkade Krew
PROJECT R in session #13 EightLeggedGemini
PROJECT R in session #14 Ambitious_Drifter
PROJECT R in session #15 Muniiba
PROJECT R in session #16 Julie L
PROJECT R in session #17 Anonymous
PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted on Religion
PROJECT R – Poetic Turn
PROJECT R – Continued Conversation with Lucia Lorenzi’s On Being Alone: Rethinking the Single Life.
PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted – Q&A with vicbriggs
Nota Bene: Project R: Relationship Interrupted is the relationship project run during the second half of October, 2013. All articles submitted may be reblogged and shared. If you do so, please give clear credit to both the participant whose submission you choose to reblog, and to the original publisher, Project R, and this website.
A warm thank you! vicbriggs
1. On Failure. What does love mean to you? What constitutes a failed relationship? What about a successful one? Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?
– First of all, as far as I am concerned there is no such thing as failure ever … never ever. 🙂 It’s just about different experiences from which you learn about yourself and about others.
– Love… hmmm It is something that can never be fully expressed through words, because with every attempt to do so, you actually get further away from its essence…
– A broken relationship – look at the answer above. There is no such thing.
– A successful relationship… I don’t believe in “success” when it comes to relationships. That’s something constructed by dull people, lacking depth of feeling. Every relationship has its unique aspects that make them exceptional in a special way .
– Nothing is ever stable, so anything that starts, transforms. The course? That depends of the two in question. 🙂
2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?
– In life it is customary, natural and beneficial for everyone’s personal growth to discern that there are alternate phases. This is the only way to tell the difference. Only in this way you can become complete (whole) through your life experience.
– Long term relationships are not necessarily the key to great success. So… I believe that any relationship, whatever direction it may take, requires conscious involvement. In fact, your level of consciousness determines the reality/quality of these relationships. It is as simple as that. 😉
3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?
-It depends where in your life journey you are, because your needs will differ from period to period. But healthy for the soul is an amorous nourishment to measure 😀
4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there? Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?
– Surely there must be more than one soul mate for each in a lifetime. You are fated to meet many others, as each of them will make complete a different part of you and vice versa. You live with each at a different level of intensity. Life is not something pulled from a Xerox machine, and you will never behave the same way in each “different” relationship (that’s why they are different) 🙂 It’s so fascinating to let life surprise you. 😀
– It’s nice to be able to distinguish between love / completion and attachments / ambitions etc.
5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?
– The most crucial question of all. From self -love starts everything else. Self-love, self-esteem and confidence: these three ingredients that cannot do ok when separated. And equilibrium in life we have only if we work to balance all three. The rest is delusion / expectations that result in a chain of suffering.
When you are ok with yourself, you get the same in return. What I ‘ve learned so far, is that life is primarily about you, and the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Others do nothing but mirror what you are. Some you may have as guides, others as enemies, but finally everything refers back to you. It is with you that the rapport with everyone else begins.
6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?
– Fulfilment is first of all an inner state. You interaction with others reflects clearly your inner state; the rest is deception / distraction from the main person holding the brunt of responsibility in this equation. Does someone else breathe in your place? 🙂 Does someone else orgasm in your place? (your orgasm is an accumulation of states generated by your capacity to open up – mainly, then – the real compatibility, ambient circumstances etc., etc.). 🙂
– When you’re in a relationship where things start to scathe, if there is no willingness to overcome that hurdle, it’s ok to retire. It is about self-esteem, because the role of saviour / victim is not healthy in the long run. 🙂
7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?
– It depends on the nature of each. We all take from life the “best” lessons in order to discover and reach an equilibrium, but this is contingent on many factors, and each of us develops qualities throughout life to different degrees depending on the experiences we have. 🙂
8. On Project R. Do you think this a worthwhile project? In what way, if at all, did this project help you think through the question of “relationships”? Feel free to add here any other thoughts you may have on the subject that was not covered by the above questions.
– It’s ok, it’s a vast topic with a multitude of layers and worth discussing, but mostly worth living directly 🙂
1. On Failure. What does love mean to you?
Love is magic! Really! But only at the beginning 🙂 Then it’s a bit confusing (where did the magic go? 🙂 ) and then it’s the part you get to know your partner (because the blindness is gone as well) and involves a lot of work to maintain it. Of course you’re not doing all this work because you have to, but you have to have a very solid base to start building on.
What constitutes a failed relationship?
Not letting go of each other, not being synchronized in thoughts/ day to day activities, not being open, lack of communication, thinking that there’s someone out there better than your partner.
What about a successful one?
Truly believing that your partner is the best! Best looks, the smartest, best sense of humour, best father! 🙂
Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?
Yes, I used to when I was young and stupid. Now I think both partners are responsible for the failure or the success of a relationship. Even if they fail see it.
2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship?
I am very comfortable in my relationship that made it so far!
Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?
Yes, I guess they’re in denial for some reason. Probably related to a very sad memory.
3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?
I don’t know. What I can tell is that I need my relationship like air right now. If for some reason I had to be out of it, I guess I’ll find a way to eventually feel fulfilled. I can’t tell if it would be a hobby or a new job. Most probably it would not be replaced by another relationship; it would feel really weird after the history we had, in the context that we are right now.
4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there?
No! You find the person you like, you discover him/her, fall in love, fall out of the magic stage of love, and then work on the relationship because that person literally becomes the best friend you ever had, and you get to care about him/her more than anything in the world. And then the kid comes along! This brings a different kind of magic, which you’re sharing with the partner. And you start a new stage of love, an even more secure kind, with the ultimate thing in common (I know I brought the kid again in the equation, sorry! I think children are a blessing to partners that have survived a long relationship. The children are the universe’s prize for successfully surviving the relationship. And they have to come at some point, otherwise that relationship will fail. Of course, don’t have children too early in the relationship.)
Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?
I guess anyone starts feeling this way at some point, no matter how cool or glamorous they think the single life is. Everyone needs love to survive.
5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself?
Yes, I think that’s true. Nobody loves grumpy, insecure, frustrated people.
What does self-love mean to you?
Being proud of your accomplishments and comfortable with who you are (looks and personality).
To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?
Yes! You have to let go for the other one. There is no such think as 100% compatibleness. So in order to make the relationship work, you also have to let go sometimes, especially if it makes the other one happy. Good will come to you as well if you let go! 😉 But fight for the relationship if the other one seems to let go too much of you. Sometimes this might happen as well.
6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?
I think smart people can find fulfilment in others as well. I like people who sincerely do so.
7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?
I don’t get this question, sorry…
8. On Project R. Do you think this a worthwhile project? In what way, if at all, did this project help you think through the question of “relationships”? Feel free to add here any other thoughts you may have on the subject that was not covered by the above questions.
– I am pretty sure that whatever you started working on is a worthwhile project! 😉
|Tastes like Midnight| : http://muniiba.wordpress.com/
1. On Failure. What does love mean to you? What constitutes a failed relationship? What about a successful one? Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?
Love should not only mean everything to a soul. Love should mean that it is the one thing that a soul needs to earn everything. Love can make one help, love can make one recognize, love can make one surrender and love can make one absolute. Love is perfect and pure, that sometimes it is unfortunate how people mistook love with the idea of love and that makes the love for love slowly fades away but love is long-term, strong and endlessly entertaining so there should be no doubts about love and no worries on how to love.
To be frank, I have lived with both successful and failed relationships, but the thing about relationship is, it is never constantly at its peak. It’s always a roller coaster and even though the ride could be extremely thrilling, the turns and loops are rough and nerve wrecking. My relationship with my wonderful life partner is not perfect, but then again it’s just right. A successful relationship is when lovers break each other’s walls and build a stronger wall surrounding them. It is when my partner decides to come home to the dinner I prepared that make it successful, it is when my partner gets mad when I don’t take care of myself that makes it successful, it is when my partner is by my side through thick and thin and appreciates every second of it that makes it successful. It is the good morning greets, it is the good night kisses and it is the cuddles and hugs in between. It is when my partner brought me to his parents, or when he takes me to visit his “homies”, or when he introduces me to his ex-lovers as his “beautiful girlfriend” and makes me feel superbly accepted inside and out.
But a failed relationship, is the what if…we had gone through a fight and never apologized and moved on. A failed relationship is the what if…we didn’t trust each other when we’re apart. It is… if I didn’t give second chances. It is… if we see each other as not enough. It is… if we choose to ignore feelings and consider flaws. It is… if we don’t share the food together, it is… if we never shared a pillow together, it is… if we never saved each other’s lives and it is… if we chose lust over love.
The relationships that didn’t work out for me are always when the what ifs happen but despite of that, my ex lovers are good friends of mine because it is better that we have loved each other than to live with hatred.
2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?
I’ve went through different phases of life with my boyfriend for the past eight years now and I’m more comfortable being in a relationship than to walk the road alone. It’s always better to have someone to share an inside joke with, or someone to push the cart when I browse between the aisles when shopping for necessities, and it’s always more fun to just be in our PJs, put on zero make up or hair gel, and turn off our romantic mode anytime we feel like it and fart like fart lords. Nevertheless, we do allow ourselves to have our special alone times if we need it. It’s very much scheduled. He has to work and I have lectures to attend during the day and at night we can either choose to stay in watch action movies together or fight over the joystick, or choose to go out separately for his boy’s nights out, or my girl’s night in. I assume people who cannot sustain long term relationship are those who had tough times in trusting people, or trusting themselves in being involved in commitment but everybody needs somebody to love, and nobody hates being loved. There’s nothing wrong with those who can’t commit, they just restrict themselves from taking the chances of undergoing an unconditional love or simply are not prepared for one.
3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?
I am a sucker for romance. I dream of it. However, I don’t demand for it. Romance requires a lot of energy to tell you the truth. My boyfriend knows I would love a bouquet of roses, but he also knows that I would laugh when I let it die inside the vase. My boyfriend feeds me a lot of chocolates, but he also knows that he has to hear my complaints about weight gain. He would always, and by always, I mean, every single time, send me I love you text messages that can sometimes be typos. Technology ruins romance, I know. He would bring me to romantic dinners in a five star restaurant and we would cry ourselves to food coma before sleep from the guilt of spending so much on food when we could’ve just bought stall foods that could end with the same result but cost little. To answer your question, I don’t need romance to be fulfilled. As long as he’s present during the highs and lows, I rather be grateful than be fulfilled.
4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there? Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?
Absolutely. I was born to love someone and I will die loving someone. I never feel complete when I’m not with my boyfriend. No one to finish my sentences. No one to play slug bug games with. No one to debate with if something controversial comes up. No one to tell me to stop spending on unnecessary stuff when I go apes mad during sales. No one to slap me into my senses when I’m doing something stupid. No one to tell me I’m only PMSing when I suddenly become a psycho out of no reason. He knows me too well and that’s why he’s my other half. It feels empty and quiet when he’s not around. I’ve been through a long distance relationship and despite the distance, I was the girl who was hooked 24/7 on to her phone with none other than the other half who was miles away, being in the same situation.
5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?
I would think that my parents did a job well done telling how special of a person I am every day of my life. I grew up with enough confidence needed to love myself. I take care of my appearance, I look after my health and in order to have a good life, not only do I have to ensure that the grass is the greenest everywhere, I have to make sure it’s constantly mowed, which means, I have to properly maintain myself. I would make one hell of a life story of myself and choose either to make it happen or not. I like to think that I have control of myself so that loving me won’t be the hardest thing to do for a person. After all, my father always says, “how can you love someone else, if you don’t love yourself?” A person can only love you after you expose to them how easy it is for you to be loved.
6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?
We live in a world where it is impossible to be fulfilled alone. To build a something you find fulfilling, you need your plans. To build plans, you need ideas. To have ideas, you need inspiration. To get inspired, you need motivation. To be motivated, is when there is support. To get support, you need either money that doesn’t last long, or relationships that are long-term and loyal. My family and friends have helped me to stand on a stable platform, where I can be the happiest all the time.
7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?
Not necessarily because I was pretty much independent when I developed my skills. Being in a relationship only made my ‘people skills’ better because I have the other half’s ‘people skills’ to double the joy. I can tell you this….I didn’t know shit what to say when I attended my boyfriend’s business dinner recently, it was all……money talk and mostly about construction sites. I felt as if I had zero skills in communication. I was the awkward girl who sat quietly sipping the OJ non-stop until my boyfriend decided to mention my (as he would say it…)”unique” qualities and skills in the media and education world which was far away from their comfort topic. Result? He made his very successful business associates speechless and impressed when I had to share what I know. Everybody’s different especially of how they build their own image and reputation, but the interest in gaining new information and knowledge is always mutual. Like I said, double the joy.
8. On Project R. Do you think this a worthwhile project? In what way, if at all, did this project help you think through the question of “relationships”? Feel free to add here any other thoughts you may have on the subject that was not covered by the above questions.
It definitely made me want to give my beau a large hug. Project R has helped me to realize and remember why I signed up for a relationship in the first place. It is very much worthwhile. Thank you for the chance 🙂
Have your love-life ever been subjected to the scrutiny of self-fashioned armchair psychologists?
……….. only after red wine and Bob Dylan albums………………..
So…
1. On Failure. What does love mean to you? What constitutes a failed relationship? What about a successful one? Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?
Early failures were really ‘If you’d only change completely you’d be perfect’. I failed to see the bleedin’ obvious. Other relationships were short and sweet as we both grew up. They were successful in their own lifespans.
2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?
I’m in a long distance relationship, so we make every moment together really count. I’m comfortable being alone too, so my flaws can be practiced alone. Nothing at all wrong with being single.
3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?
It’s a good place to start, but intimacy replaces eros eventually. That’s fulfilling.
4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there? Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?
I think there’s more than one out there. It’s always a compromise, but start with shared likes, not shared dislikes.
5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?
It helps. I don’t know about self love, but I don’t mind myself. I’m ok. No letting go, but compromise.
6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?
As I said, I know lots of people who are ‘alone’ but perfectly happy, creative and fulfilled. Fulfillment comes from within; you can’t expect someone to do it for you.
7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?
Not necessarily. My people skills can be lacking at times.
8. On Project R. Do you think this a worthwhile project? In what way, if at all, did this project help you think through the question of “relationships”? Feel free to add here any other thoughts you may have on the subject that was not covered by the above questions.
This is a good use of a blog, instead of the usual me me me (i.e. as in my blog). I did help me think about how I’m living.
Photo by The Ambtitious_Drifter http://ambitiousdrifter.wordpress.com/
Title: ‘After the wedding’….. someone’s heart in the gutter.” Or, “a bright heart shining in the gutter.”
vic briggs 