PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted Completed

Image

PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted Completed

You have been amazing. Thank you!

Project R is now officially completed and all scheduled posts have been published.

I have initiated this project to help a friend whose heart had been broken. In choosing to answer the Q&A and think through the question of relationships, by visiting and commenting on this project, you have all been a key part of the healing process.
I have always believed that if what we write helps at least one person, even in the smallest of ways, then it is a worthwhile endeavour. I believe it still and would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for delving deep and sharing your experiences. Every single one of them has been a step for the better.

In closing I would like to say that I have learnt a lot from this project both by engaging with your views, but also from the experience of sharing my blog with you.
By providing a window into your world, you have enriched more than one’s view of love and relationships.
Your support was remarkable and it gave me the opportunity to discover new writers, photographers and artists that may have otherwise remained unknown to me.
I hope you too have found this a fruitful and rewarding undertaking, and have made new connections as a result.

Thank you again to all participants.

It all comes down to relationships, the connections we make. In future posts I will try to provide some insight into what I have learnt and will invite you to add your own insights to a diverse range of topics.
Please feel free to add to the comment box, reblog, share, email or message me on Twitter @shardsofsilence.
For the more adventurous of you and those versed in the ways of magic, perhaps send me a letter by owl 🙂
Future discussion posts will be marked by the subtitle Let’s Talk Opinion.

PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted – Q&A with vicbriggs

Nota Bene: Project R: Relationship Interrupted is the relationship project run during the second half of October, 2013. All articles submitted may be reblogged and shared. If you do so, please give clear credit to both the participant whose submission you choose to reblog, and to the original publisher, Project R, and this website.
A warm thank you! vicbriggs

PROJECT R in session #17 Anonymous

Posted on October 30, 2013 by vicbriggs

1. On Failure. What does love mean to you? What constitutes a failed relationship? What about a successful one? Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?

– First of all, as far as I am concerned there is no such thing as failure ever … never ever. 🙂 It’s just about different experiences from which you learn about yourself and about others.
– Love… hmmm It is something that can never be fully expressed through words, because with every attempt to do so, you actually get further away from its essence…
– A broken relationship – look at the answer above. There is no such thing.
– A successful relationship… I don’t believe in “success” when it comes to relationships. That’s something constructed by dull people, lacking depth of feeling. Every relationship has its unique aspects that make them exceptional in a special way .
– Nothing is ever stable, so anything that starts, transforms. The course? That depends of the two in question. 🙂

2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

– In life it is customary, natural and beneficial for everyone’s personal growth to discern that there are alternate phases. This is the only way to tell the difference. Only in this way you can become complete (whole) through your life experience.
– Long term relationships are not necessarily the key to great success. So… I believe that any relationship, whatever direction it may take, requires conscious involvement. In fact, your level of consciousness determines the reality/quality of these relationships. It is as simple as that. 😉

3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

-It depends where in your life journey you are, because your needs will differ from period to period. But healthy for the soul is an amorous nourishment to measure 😀

4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there? Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?

– Surely there must be more than one soul mate for each in a lifetime. You are fated to meet many others, as each of them will make complete a different part of you and vice versa. You live with each at a different level of intensity. Life is not something pulled from a Xerox machine, and you will never behave the same way in each “different” relationship (that’s why they are different) 🙂 It’s so fascinating to let life surprise you. 😀
– It’s nice to be able to distinguish between love / completion and attachments / ambitions etc.

5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

– The most crucial question of all. From self -love starts everything else. Self-love, self-esteem and confidence: these three ingredients that cannot do ok when separated. And equilibrium in life we have only if we work to balance all three. The rest is delusion / expectations that result in a chain of suffering.

When you are ok with yourself, you get the same in return. What I ‘ve learned so far, is that life is primarily about you, and the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Others do nothing but mirror what you are. Some you may have as guides, others as enemies, but finally everything refers back to you. It is with you that the rapport with everyone else begins.

6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

– Fulfilment is first of all an inner state. You interaction with others reflects clearly your inner state; the rest is deception / distraction from the main person holding the brunt of responsibility in this equation. Does someone else breathe in your place? 🙂 Does someone else orgasm in your place? (your orgasm is an accumulation of states generated by your capacity to open up – mainly, then – the real compatibility, ambient circumstances etc., etc.). 🙂
– When you’re in a relationship where things start to scathe, if there is no willingness to overcome that hurdle, it’s ok to retire. It is about self-esteem, because the role of saviour / victim is not healthy in the long run. 🙂

7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

– It depends on the nature of each. We all take from life the “best” lessons in order to discover and reach an equilibrium, but this is contingent on many factors, and each of us develops qualities throughout life to different degrees depending on the experiences we have. 🙂

8. On Project R. Do you think this a worthwhile project? In what way, if at all, did this project help you think through the question of “relationships”? Feel free to add here any other thoughts you may have on the subject that was not covered by the above questions.

– It’s ok, it’s a vast topic with a multitude of layers and worth discussing, but mostly worth living directly 🙂

PROJECT R in session #16 Julie L

Posted on October 29, 2013 by vicbriggs

1. On Failure. What does love mean to you?

Love is magic! Really! But only at the beginning 🙂 Then it’s a bit confusing (where did the magic go? 🙂 ) and then it’s the part you get to know your partner (because the blindness is gone as well) and involves a lot of work to maintain it. Of course you’re not doing all this work because you have to, but you have to have a very solid base to start building on.

What constitutes a failed relationship?

Not letting go of each other, not being synchronized in thoughts/ day to day activities, not being open, lack of communication, thinking that there’s someone out there better than your partner.

What about a successful one?

Truly believing that your partner is the best! Best looks, the smartest, best sense of humour, best father! 🙂

Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?

Yes, I used to when I was young and stupid. Now I think both partners are responsible for the failure or the success of a relationship. Even if they fail see it.

2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship?

I am very comfortable in my relationship that made it so far!

Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

Yes, I guess they’re in denial for some reason. Probably related to a very sad memory.

3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

I don’t know. What I can tell is that I need my relationship like air right now. If for some reason I had to be out of it, I guess I’ll find a way to eventually feel fulfilled. I can’t tell if it would be a hobby or a new job. Most probably it would not be replaced by another relationship; it would feel really weird after the history we had, in the context that we are right now.

4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there?

No! You find the person you like, you discover him/her, fall in love, fall out of the magic stage of love, and then work on the relationship because that person literally becomes the best friend you ever had, and you get to care about him/her more than anything in the world. And then the kid comes along! This brings a different kind of magic, which you’re sharing with the partner. And you start a new stage of love, an even more secure kind, with the ultimate thing in common (I know I brought the kid again in the equation, sorry! I think children are a blessing to partners that have survived a long relationship. The children are the universe’s prize for successfully surviving the relationship. And they have to come at some point, otherwise that relationship will fail. Of course, don’t have children too early in the relationship.)

Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?

I guess anyone starts feeling this way at some point, no matter how cool or glamorous they think the single life is. Everyone needs love to survive.

5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself?

Yes, I think that’s true. Nobody loves grumpy, insecure, frustrated people.

What does self-love mean to you?

Being proud of your accomplishments and comfortable with who you are (looks and personality).

To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

Yes! You have to let go for the other one. There is no such think as 100% compatibleness. So in order to make the relationship work, you also have to let go sometimes, especially if it makes the other one happy. Good will come to you as well if you let go! 😉 But fight for the relationship if the other one seems to let go too much of you. Sometimes this might happen as well.

6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

I think smart people can find fulfilment in others as well. I like people who sincerely do so.

7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

I don’t get this question, sorry…

– I am pretty sure that whatever you started working on is a worthwhile project! 😉

PROJECT R in session #14 Ambitious_Drifter

Image

PROJECT R in session #14 Ambitious_Drifter

Have your love-life ever been subjected to the scrutiny of self-fashioned armchair psychologists?

……….. only after red wine and Bob Dylan albums………………..

So…

Early failures were really ‘If you’d only change completely you’d be perfect’. I failed to see the bleedin’ obvious. Other relationships were short and sweet as we both grew up. They were successful in their own lifespans.

2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

I’m in a long distance relationship, so we make every moment together really count. I’m comfortable being alone too, so my flaws can be practiced alone. Nothing at all wrong with being single.

3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

It’s a good place to start, but intimacy replaces eros eventually. That’s fulfilling.

4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there? Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?

I think there’s more than one out there. It’s always a compromise, but start with shared likes, not shared dislikes.

5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

It helps. I don’t know about self love, but I don’t mind myself. I’m ok. No letting go, but compromise.

6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

As I said, I know lots of people who are ‘alone’ but perfectly happy, creative and fulfilled. Fulfillment comes from within; you can’t expect someone to do it for you.

7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

Not necessarily. My people skills can be lacking at times.

This is a good use of a blog, instead of the usual me me me (i.e. as in my blog). I did help me think about how I’m living.

Photo by The Ambtitious_Drifter http://ambitiousdrifter.wordpress.com/

Title: ‘After the wedding’….. someone’s heart in the gutter.” Or, “a bright heart shining in the gutter.”

PROJECT R in session #13 EightLeggedGemini

Posted on October 26, 2013 by vicbriggs

EightLeggedGemini

i would like to thank Vic https://shardsofsilence.wordpress.com/ for inviting me to share in this, a series of eight questions; and for being lenient with it’s deadline.
i’m not very good with explaining myself sometimes and so look at this as a bit of an excercise in structured thought.

A. Love Is Eternal.
i think the love we feel is merely a dirty material ripple of the Absolute Truth which is True Love.
everything moves by attraction, whether by magnetism or other means.
some relationships just aren’t meant to be.
a failed relationship is when you can’t remain friends after. i think i’m lucky enough to be on talking terms with the women that i’ve shared my time with, although some had painful endings, everything was for the best eventually.
of course when Any relationship ends, there are questions we ask of ourselves, whether it’s our fault, was there anything else we could do, was it true love?

2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

A. i enjoy my own company.
my flaws have earned me respect somehow. there aren’t many people in this town who share or even understand my opinions, my friends are just happy that i’m happy

but then, while i’m not single i’m in a different frame of mind. almost as if i split myself into two time zones. the introspective me and the me that i project publicly. i wonder if i can sustain a long term relationship with a woman. i’ve gone years at a time without sharing a bed. the longest relationship i’ve had is two years.
no, there is nothing wrong with those who prefer solitude, maybe they give their love more widely thru altruistic activities etc

3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

A. i like to think that i’m romantic; and reciprocated romance is fulfilling but if i was single i’d say it’s not the be all and end all.
i cook and buy choccys for my woman, i remembered her birthday and bought her something she wanted and loves
relationships inspire romance, or they should if they’re to last. but apparently not all women like flowers.

A. no i’m not half the equation. Love is eternal, every soul is eternal. every soul is related to the SuperSoul. every soul is on its own journey of discovery.
it’s possible for any two souls to be soulmates under the right circumstances.
the problem is that our spiritual souls are covered by temporary material bodies full of ego and the desire to enjoy our senses. in fact, if reincarnation is a fact; it’s possible that i have been your mother, brother, sister, father, daughter, son and lover. i may have been your pet, you may have been mine. it’s also possible that me and you, Vic, and you, dear Reader, have been soul mates in a previous life, or maybe in our future lives.
it’s possible that i’ve lived lives without meeting a soulmate.

5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

A. it probably helps to love or respect yourself first, as the saying goes; always smile in public, you never know who might fall in love with your smile, nobody falls in love with a frown.
true love includes the ability to let go, which is a rare thing. not sure if i’ve ever seen it away from parents letting their children become adults.
i met a woman who never smiles, she seemed broken, so i set her up with a like minded man and they both smile now neither ever respected themselves until they met and realised the bigger picture.

6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

A. it’s possible to find contentment in other accomplishments.
we all have our own paths to view and choose, i call this The Damascus Blues.
but i’ve noticed that at least with my brain and ego, it’s harder to think straight whilst in the grip of love.

7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

A. perhaps. but even those that are in a relationship may harbour difficulties with expression. for instance i find it easier to write my thoughts than say them, there’s time for deliberation (but also confusion somehow)
i have a great relationship with those that are a part of my life and yet even still i may have my quiet moments where i find it hard to express my self.

A. this is definitely a worthwhile project!
we met due to a project by OpiniatedMan, which i didn’t take part in, though i admired the project i wasn’t ready to create a structured blog and truth be told, i’m still not. that’s why this is late. in the end my apathy was beaten by your thoughtful questions that i’ve struggled to answer truthfully.
This has been a great exercise for me although i’ve deleted lots of thoughts (i digress easily) they’ve taught me of myself; so thoroughly worthwhile!!

PROJECT R in session #11 Iuli

Posted on October 24, 2013 by vicbriggs

Me: A failed relationship can be a great opportunity to start a new and better relationship. Like the saying “All evil is for good”. A successful one is worth making compromises for. The fact that my ex relationship failed was the best thing that could have happened to me.

2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

Me: I am much more comfortable in a relationship than on my own. There is not necessarily something wrong with the people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships. Some of them may simply have not met the right person and are clever enough not to lose their time with someone that does not meet their requirements. Yet again, some of them may be afraid to commit for different reasons.

3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

Me: I do require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled. No career compares to the love of your loved one.

Me: I hope everyone finds their soul-mate as I believe I found mine. Maybe in a few years I will feel different, but the fact that I felt this for a second/minute/hour/day/week/month/year means the world to me.

5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

Me: I don’t know what to say. I usually put the loved ones in front of my own self. I believe it is important to love yourself in the sense that loving yourself means requiring respect from the other one.

6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

Me: Of course it is possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments than marriage and children. It is not probable, yet possible.

7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

Me: I think being in a relationship has nothing to do with ‘people skills’ in general.

Me: If it helps at least one person in any way, it is definitely worthwhile!!

PROJECT R in session #10 Sreejit Poole

Posted on October 23, 2013 by vicbriggs

Sreejit Poole: http://theseekersdungeon.com/

Learning to Love

For the past twenty years, I have lived as a celibate monk in the ashrams of Mata Amritanandamayi (Amma), known the world over as, The Hugging Saint. I often write love poems to her on my blog, because for all these years she has been the all and all of my life. Many can relate to my poems because whether it is with a lover or a master, the bond of love can be all encompassing. It is a commitment that, like any relationship, runs hot and cold and therefore requires constant attention and nurturing.

Many talk of soul mates in this world, and to be sure my logical side often scoffs at even the concept of a soul mate. Sometimes it is even hard for me to take the concept of love as a real thing. It is easier for me to think of love as a verb rather than a noun; a way of treating someone rather than an actual state of being. But then, when I think of Amma, I realize that I would call her as nothing less than my soul’s mate. When I think of Amma, I realize my purpose on this planet is, as the motto goes, “To Love and Serve.”

Over the years that I’ve spent in the ashram, I’ve seen many come and go. But I would call none a failure, for any time that is spent in spiritual practice is time that has made this life worthy. What is there in this world that is more worthwhile than love. At the end of the day, the time we’ve spent loving is the time we can be most proud of. So much that we do stems from love, whether it is working a grueling job to put food on our or our family’s table, or doing charitable work, it is all a reflection of love. Even when there are falling outs, the time that was spent “in-love” is never a waste.

Many don’t want to give up their freedom and so go the single route. That is fine, but to truly live the human experience I believe that at some point we have to learn selflessness. Having a wife, husband and/or kids is often the quickest way to learn about living for someone other than ourselves. As long as we are only living for ourselves, we will feel something lacking but the moment we put in time for another’s happiness, and it certainly doesn’t have to mean a committed relationship, we become more expansive.

Some will say that I am missing out by living an ashram life. That sexual attraction and romance make the world turn. But it doesn’t matter who you are, in every relationship eventually the excitement will cool. Only at this time does the committed portion of the relationship begin. Only after the “honeymoon period” has ended do we really learn what love and commitment are all about.

Project R can be a meditation for all of us. To really go within and ask ourselves what does it mean to love. As Amma often tells us, “The correct statement is not ‘I love you,’ but ‘I am love.’” Let us all walk the world knowing that “we are love.”

PROJECT R in session #9 Jessica Masters

Posted on October 22, 2013 by vicbriggs

Jessica was born and raised as a nomad, with such places she temporarily called home that included Gladstone, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, London, UK, and now New York City. After getting a BA in English Language and Literature with a minor in writing, she also received an MA in English Renaissance and Early Modern Studies at the University of London, Queen Mary. She works full-time in the higher education sector and keeps a blog in her spare time.

For more life stories please visit her blog ‘Sequins and Bobby Pins’ at www.sequinsandbobbypins.com or follow her on twitter @mastersje

email: mastersje@gmail.com / facebook: http://facebook.com/mastersje

After several failed relationships and thus far a successful one, I think that love means multiple things. Love means acceptance of one another, but more importantly, acceptance of yourself. Love means encouragement to be a better person.

Unsuccessful relationships for me have been ones where I thought that I could change someone to be a better person, or a more attractive person physically or mentally.

There were times where I would date ‘projects’ and decide that it was up to me to ‘save’ them. It never worked out because I discovered, I was the one drowning as well. I never realized that I needed to save myself. The relationships floundered because we were both drowning in our own issues and thought we could and needed to help the other person.

Using partners as therapists can also take a toll on relationships. I used to do that before I met my current partner. Just because someone says that they love you for you, doesn’t mean that they can handle being with you and also cure you of your darkest thoughts. I went through relationship after relationship without realizing the burden I was putting on my partner by not going to see a therapist.

I think that after every relationship ended, I always thought and obsessed over how I was a failure and what I could have done to save it. I also was in denial and would tell myself that they couldn’t handle me, good or bad, than they weren’t right for me. I think the most liberating thing is after a long and painful end to a relationship, taking stock in the things that you like and self-discovery—who you are individually, and not defined by another, is the best cure to find someone perfect for you.

I will argue though that it isn’t until a traumatic breakup that you ever really get to know yourself. Many people think that they know themselves or that they can discover self-love whilst in a relationship, but I do not think that it is actually possible. If you are in a relationship, you are altering yourself to be loved by someone else. This is not self-love. Even after a relationship ends (and usually you are not the one ending it), there will be a certain length of time where you think that you are ‘self-discovering’ or developing ‘self-love,’ but again you are only changing to get the person back. There’s a desperate moment (or few months) after the breakup where you do things that you would never do, but you will only have self-love if you discover that it doesn’t matter what your ex will think of the new you.

I don’t think (though this is just my opinion) that self-love is letting something go. I think that is more ‘selfish’. Don’t misunderstand me, being ‘selfish’ is important and sometimes necessary in a relationship.I do think that there are moments in a relationship with someone who isn’t helping themselves, where you have to be selfish and think about the toll that the bad relationship is taking on YOU. Selfishness can lead to self-love, but again, I do not think that you can self-love until you are truly alone and do not have a relationship to hide behind.

Make a list of all the things that you like(d) to do by yourself or a list of things that someone, in order to be with you, would need to do with you. Sometimes it is even easier to make this list if you think of all of the things you used to love before your relationship or all of the things that your former partner wouldn’t do with you. This really helped me get over a former partner, and also find the motivation to get to know myself.

Self-love will lead you to a better relationship because you finally know yourself and love or accept yourself. And each failed relationship is really a learning experience. You also will discover what doesn’t work for you. Creating a list will help you get over those weak moments when you think you want someone back who wasn’t right for you. They are out there waiting for you to love yourself, and I honestly believe that.

One final thought, know that you do not need to fight your demons alone. See a therapist, or talk to someone who is not biased about your issues. By doing this, you will have a better relationship with someone when you are ready. Self-love often develops when you realize that you don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, nor do you have to dump it into an otherwise happy relationship.

PROJECT R in session #8 Shallow Nothings

Posted on October 21, 2013 by vicbriggs

Shallow Nothings: shallownothings.wordpress.com

SN: Love has many definitions and forms, and I believe that a person’s experience and being, allows her to build her own definition of it. Being who I am and where I am right now, I strongly believe that love is a middle ground, a compromise, a truce, a safe place.

Love is what makes people disregard their differences, and learn to compromise at the midpoint. I think this ability to meet at the heart of the matter is what makes a successful relationship. It doesn’t always have to be rainbows and butterflies, or sweet walks in the park and candlelit dinners. A real relationship is one that has those ups, and the downs–disagreements, misunderstandings and shortcomings, but it becomes successful because these downs are overcome, and remedied.

A failed relationship, on the other hand, is one where both the ups and downs are present (qualities of a real relationship) but there is no middle on which both parties may communicate, see eye to eye and find a solution.

When a relationship fails, it’s easy to blame yourself or your partner. I would be lying to you if I said I haven’t kicked myself for contributing to the mess that once was my relationship, because I have. It’s easy to take the blame upon yourself because you are one-half of the problem. It’s what you do after you realize this that makes the difference.

2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

SN: I have no problem with being on my own, but I have to admit the relationship that I have been in for the past three years has made me a different person. I can’t say that I’m whole because of this long-term relationship that I am in, but it has made me a better version of myself.

However, it isn’t for everybody. You can’t judge people who cannot or will not devote themselves to a long-term relationship because we’re all made differently. Just like how we have different definitions of love based on our experience and being, our view of relationships reflect that, too.

3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

SN: Like I said earlier, I can’t say that I’m whole or fulfilled by the romantic relationship that I am in right now, and I’m not saying that I’m not either, but I can stand alone or be with someone and still find fulfillment. I guess it’s a matter of how content you are, and how you perceive your situation.

SN: Ah, yes, soul-mates. There is an innate need in humans to feel love and be needed, and I think that the feeling of missing something is engraved in our DNAs. In other words, yes, I do. I believe that there is a soul-mate out there for each person. I do feel that soul-mates aren’t limited to our finding another person “meant” for us. A soul-mate can be a relative (non-romantic way), a pet, a talent, a hobby, an item, a cause or it could be anything, just as long as it calls to you. If it does, that is where your soul belongs, and that is your soul-mate.

5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

SN: I don’t think that you need self-love for others to love you, because a person can choose to love you whether you know it or not. Especially if you like it or not, they could care less. I do feel like self-love contributes a lot in having a healthy relationship. I’m not saying this healthy relationship has to be successful, because it can be a total failure. A healthy relationship is one where you can make decision for yourself because you have self-love. If the relationship that you are in is not for you, you learn to let go of it and try to move on. If the relationship that you are in needs your attention or your push, you do it. That is the best thing about loving yourself.

6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

SN: Like I had mentioned about soul-mates, I don’t think our fulfillment is limited to finding it in another person. It could be a number of things, some of which include non-living things, or non-items (like a cause).

7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

SN: Yes, and no. Some people get into relationships out of peer pressure, or the fear of dying alone. Some people don’t get into relationships because they want to meet different people. People in relationships are just that, people in relationships. Though I have to say that some people in relate-sionships cannot find anything to relate on!

SN: I wouldn’t have answered these questions had I thought this project wasn’t worthwhile. It’s a great idea, and a good start! I would love to see this grow and evolve into something else. What that is, I don’t know yet, but I hope to see it!

PROJECT R in session #7 Gfixation

Posted on October 20, 2013 by vicbriggs

Name: Gfixation / Twitter: @Simplefixated

Website: www.fixatedann.wordpress.com

Points to note:

1. How we love is based on how much love was showed to us growing up. We cannot expect every Tom, Dick, Harry or Jane to know what it is to love. That is a big misconception we have when love is at play.

2. Our views on love are vastly different (based on religious belief), how we profess our love to another depicts our beliefs.

3. Society plays a major role in creating facades when it comes to men and women, so, are you bringing your true self into the relationship? Or is it a facade you created just to be loved?

4. Society created these expectations about who a Woman/Man should date, how they are “supposed” to act.

Love to me is; everything, everywhere and everyone, the moment I am not honoring everything/everyone/everywhere, I am therefore dishonoring myself. Love is not perfect and the moment I got that thought out of my head, the easier love was loved. Love is (ME) co-existing with (YOU). Love is deciding not to participate in an argument because you are stress and that is when you “go off”. Love is the unspoken words of affection, love is staring at you immensely, wishing you’d read my thoughts.

Failed Relationships:

A failed relationship, is one in which two person cannot co-exist, this can be because of a number of things. Even though communication plays a vital role in any relationship, from inception to the end, not everyone can communicate effectively. Relationships are viewed in the eye of the beholder, hence some of us rush into a relationship without understanding the “beholder” and that within itself can make the relationship fail. We are human beings, we should not judge ourselves too harshly when a relationship ends, we should however evaluate the situation HONESTLY and understood why it ended.

Consequently a successful relationship, is one in which communication is present ever so often whilst understanding your partner ways of co-existing in the relationship. Sometimes his/her way of co-existing is so different from yours that conflicts may arise, this is where compromises has to take effect.

Failure within itself is such a powerful word that if you find yourself fixating on it, you will become a failure. A part of being human is, we fail at what we do in the present moment, but picking up the pieces can help better the situation.

2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

I am most comfortable when I am on my own than in a relationship, I am an introvert. Growing up, my parents were separated when I was 7 years old; my mother met someone else and moved out of the family house when I was 16. Majority of my youth was spent being by myself, hence being an introvert, so it wouldn’t be a surprise when I realized I adore my space and my “me” time. Previously this was an issue in my relationship (I do get tired of people easily). Presently, there is still conflict because my partner is an introvert as well, but they don’t like to be lonely (ahhhh this life). Should we separate because of that? no! In my view, it’s a work in progress. 2.4 years going strong (cheers).

I divert to say that as mentioned in #1, we are all different beings, how someone view their daily life shouldn’t be evaluated by outside force, but by what they believe in. Society will rip you to pieces if you indulge in their madness. With that being said, there is nothing wrong with someone who cannot or wouldn’t sustain a long-term relationship,

3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

Romantic and fulfilled, I think, should go hand in hand, but, for some it doesn’t. From me. I do hope for fulfillment but the work from both sides has to be continuous for the natural element of the relationship to be sustained.

It depends on their definition of a soul-mate, again, a word that was created by society to amuse people, what if someone doesn’t find their soul-mate? This soul-mate saga has caused failed relationships, I’m sure, because of the emphasis placed on it. We as individuals should be able to define our love life the way we see fit.

5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

I don’t think that to be love by others I have to love myself, people are who they are. I think that if I love myself enough I will recognize love in its true form. Self-love can mean so many different things to so many different people, but for me, self-love is accepting my true self whether good/bad, accepting that not everyone will love me, so how do I deal with that, accepting that society will NOT dictate how I live my life, accepting nothing less than what I deserve.

To love, Sometimes means letting go, again, not everyone who you fall hopelessly in love will love you back, not everyone we meet we will be compatible with, even though from inception it felt like it. Sometimes we see many abusive relationships and we wonder why does she/he stay?

6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

Fulfillment revolves around everything we represent as individuals, whether we are in relationship or not, most times our partners are the one who urges us to perform in a mediocre job, sometimes our families are encouraging us to be better individuals, so collectively praise should be warranted.

7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

*chuckles* no! people are who they are bad/good, whether in a relationship or not. Who you are will show up in your daily life.

Yes I think I was, we are so different, I anticipate different point of views from this project.

vic briggs

A writer adrift

Tag Archives: Project R

PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted Completed

Image

PROJECT R in session #17 Anonymous

PROJECT R in session #16 Julie L

PROJECT R in session #14 Ambitious_Drifter

Image

PROJECT R in session #13 EightLeggedGemini

PROJECT R in session #11 Iuli

PROJECT R in session #10 Sreejit Poole

PROJECT R in session #9 Jessica Masters

PROJECT R in session #8 Shallow Nothings

PROJECT R in session #7 Gfixation

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: