How do you like your eggs in the morning?

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How do I like mine? I’m not very particular about it, as long as they come with a side of FT’s in-depth analysis of the latest financial developments, of course.

Could it ever be a matter of doubt? ūüėČ

Daily Prompt: Adult Visions

Stalking #BenedictCumberbatch

Yesterday I had another visit from a Benedict Cumberbatch fan. I thought little of it to begin with; there is after all a steady stream of visitors for that particular set of stories. Yet there was something that did not sit well with me about this particular reader: the manner in which they had formulated their search. So here is what I have to say to my accidental visitor.

 

To whom it may concern:

While I appreciate your custom, let me make one thing clear: this is not an information hub for Benedict Cumberbatch’s whereabouts. In truth I am astounded that in searching for his address you should have ended up here. How many pages of Google results¬†did you have to read through to reach my¬†post?¬†Don’t answer that. I was sufficiently intrigued to retype your search terms and give the engine a try, but in all honesty tired of¬†scrolling through for a glimpse of my blog’s signature after the first five pages came up empty. That must have been one epic search.

For the length of a moment I thought that perhaps you were looking for a way to send Benedict some fan mail. However, since you bypassed the information on offer on Cumberbatchweb, I had to drop that particular line of reasoning and conclude that it was his personal address you were after. Ahem.

If my powers of deduction have failed me, feel free to circumvent what follows. If not…

There is a very good reason why people – and celebrities more so – keep their personal contact details under wraps. Beyond a simple desire to be able to step out of one’s¬†front door without having to wrestle a crowd of nosy strangers, there is also the matter of risk to one’s bodily security to take into account. Yep. I do refer to stalkers.

The term may be often attributed to fans in a jokey manner, but the reality of being stalked is no laughing matter. Take it from someone who has been unfortunate enough to have experienced it, and that without the label of a celebrity in toe: it is downright terrifying.

As a writer, I may occasionally indulge in borrowing London¬†settings for a meeting with a fictionalised Cumberbatch. I may even go one step further and share knowledge of his actual preference of a place if, and only if, that information is already public knowledge. You will not find on this blog his (or anyone else’s) home address,¬†phone¬†number or personal email address.

So… If you are in the mood for a laugh or a little Benedict-day-dreaming, feel free to stop by¬†whenever you have the time or inclination. Otherwise, I’m afraid I can’t help you. Nor would I be willing to if I could.

2nkul5dIf you remain undeterred beware, according to Tim Walker, Mr. Cumberbatch has been known to request the services of our be-helmeted police service to ensure that his privacy would be respected. Better not let it come to that.

Cheerio.

Which pub does Benedict Cumberbatch drink in?

I fill my cup with as large a measure of amusement as the world can provide, fond as I am of a good chuckle. Every now and then, the WordPress search engine will provide just the right dose.

There is a lady out there, so desirous of meeting the elusive Batch, that she decided to take things into her own hands and seek him out at all Englishmen’s favourite watering hole: the pub. I can’t help but admire her tenacity and feel a little guilty in her supposed disappointment when Google thought it would be a lark to send her to my blog instead.¬†Try typing “Which pub does Benedict Cumberbatch drink in” into the search engine and you’ll see what I mean.

Benedict may very well have patronised Soho’s “the Lab” in the past. I wouldn’t know. Perhaps our lady will be lucky to synchronise her visit with Hollywood’s darling. After all, stranger things have happened.

Having had my laugh for the day, I am rather in the mood for a good deed. So what do you say, dear readers. Shall we help this vixen find her crush?

Benedict Cumberbatch having a drink at the Roundhouse in London

Dear Anonymous,

If you are reading this, then you have not yet given up on discovering Benedict’s favourite pub. I’m afraid I can’t help you with specifics, although if you happen to be in London, you could always give pub crawling in Hampstead a try. I hear they have some delightful ales and a predilection for auburn-haired clientele ūüėČ . I would recommend half-measures if you plan on doing the job thoroughly or else I will be accused of encouraging irresponsible drinking.

Best of luck with the hunt!

Cumberbatch and I | Reconciling the Past

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A welcome back gift in the guise of parody song curtesy of the Kavalkade Krew:  Cumberbuns ~ The Satire & Parody News Desk!.

I am told that one ought to consult a GP before taking their daily dosage of Cumbarbatch to avoid non-prescription side effects such as blushing, heavy breathing and fainting fancies, so approach with care. He is ch-armed and dangerous. Still… the Krew will be at hand to help if any of the above befalls you. ūüėČ

Enjoy.

January’s Jousters

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This is the magic of the written word. A simile has the power to transform an otherwise pedestrian (?) post into a knight, and since we had quite a number of those tricksters this month, it’s a tournament to boot. Look at them take to the field, determined to unhorse each other with their blunted lances. Although I have it on good authority that one or two of them have managed to sneak through with rather sharp tips. Or was it tongues? I forget.

So, let’s get to it. Who made it to the top and whose helmet got the better of them this January? Here is our line-up complete with coats of arms.

2060-end-of-the-worldAt number ten enters¬†Apocalypse. This tale is a sorrowful one, where foresight is both a gift and a curse. This is what fellow bard Chris Nelson¬†had to say: “This is a powerful poem ‚Äď almost a commentary on the agony of immortality. It‚Äôs scary enough how we become desensitised to tragedy by age without the prospect of seeing out millennia. If there were immortal beings looking down on us would they, after all this time, empathise with our plight?”

feministJust ahead in ninth place we have cheeky entry that offers the audience a the quickest way to find out the answer to the following question: Are you a Feminist?¬†“Thanks for the gem!!! It has brought me and several others big smiles,” said¬†cakeleevannila. Let’s hope it can do the same for you.

Sherlock-dressed-as-French-waiterThe eighth contender comes curtesy of the Let’s Talk Opinion series in conversation with¬†thedailygrime¬†and¬†ventures into Arthur Connan Doyle territory: That‚Äôs Elementary, my dear Watson. No. Wait. It‚Äôs¬†Sherlock!

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“A great, great post for the super busy blogger. Thanks for sharing” says prolific writer and blogger¬†Erik Lehman¬†of¬†our next January jouster¬†Danger¬†Blogging:¬†a Let’s Talk Opinion post exploring the dangers bloggers expose themselves to on a daily basis. We have our knight for the¬†seventh place.¬†

 

sherlock-series3-e_2779858bIn a surprising turn of events, we have a second Sherlock contender for the top ten jousters this month. A review of The Empty Hearse takes sixth place.¬†I stand by it: “I blame the hype as well as the extended wait. Two years is a long time for a build up. Perhaps I expected too much and was bound to be ¬†#Disappointed”¬†

THE WOLF OF WALL STREETNow for the top five! The Wolf of Wall Street comes fifth after a somewhat raunchy introduction on the BBC Breakfast show. Unexpected unmentionables at 9am will certainly make for a different kind of cereal and it also prompted some strong reactions both in favour and against.

protest-against-mumbai-gang-rapeAlthough¬†Rape | A World¬†Pandemic¬†comes forth in terms of views this month, it takes first place for the discussion it engendered.¬†Iceman¬†named it¬†A ‚ÄúMust Read‚ÄĚ today.¬†Another reader¬†scottishmomus¬†shared it and commented:¬†“I have no words for what is here. Please read.”

benedict_cumberbatch_03Is it possible for a full month to pass without a certain Mr Cumberbatch making an appearance in yet another Vic Briggs dreamscape? Perhaps it is, but we’ll have to wait it out. For this January sees the alienesque knight and his steely steed return to your screens in The #BenedictCumberbatch | An Unexpected Meeting.¬†He takes¬†third place,¬†and readers have already requested a sequel. Let’s hope he’ll oblige.

 

Man_Vs_Woman_by_joshnickersonThe runner-up this January, taking home the jousting silver, is a classic battle of the sexes. In¬†Men vs Women | Crossing the¬†Divide yours truly crosses the proverbial lance with none other than¬†OM.¬†Here is what¬†Winifred M. Reilly¬†had to say: “This post was just what I needed.¬†Hilarious.¬†I didn‚Äôt resonate much with OM‚Äôs complaints, tho amusing to hear him gripe.¬†Your wit is priceless. Loved the weight lifting bit.”

 

Nadine DorriesAnd for the gold? We have been told repeatedly that the general public is apathetic when it comes to politics. That may be so, yet it would seem that we still want politicians to be held to account, especially when they are in charge of the country. Xenophobic Tory MP Nadine Dorries blames immigrants for recent UK floods is our jouster of the month.

This is all from the Top Ten Shards this January. If I got you in the mood for a little jousting, remember: you receive one point for breaking your lance on your¬†opponent’s chest, two points for breaking it on¬†their helmet, and three points for an unhorsing. Farewell!

Meanwhile… somewhere in London | #VB009 Webisode

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Call it serendipity. A story can find its beginnings in a random tweet and months later it is still going strong.

Some time ago Kavalkade asked a question I was reluctant to answer so I sidetracked with the following:

“I could tell you, but then I’d have to …”

After a few back-and-forths I said my goodbyes and added a throw away remark about a target than needed to be ousted urgently.

So began the Krew Kapture saga with yours truly starring as Crown Agent extraordinaire 009.

Although Kavalkade has full artistic licence and all the dialogue in his Webisodes are his own creation, every now an then I will add a line or two, moving the story along. He has kindly incorporated my catch phrase “Crumpets!” and even introduced Cumberbatch to attempt to distract my alter-ego from accomplishing HQ missions.

If you are curious to find out his latest musings on the subject, please follow the link below.

#VB009 Webisode.

Alternatively, you could find the story on Twitter under #VB009.

All the best from the London HQ,

Yours surreptitiously,

009