Stream of Consciousness

Image by George Grie

Image by George Grie

I had cracked open the shell of a dream and came out unscathed. The morning not yet abloom. There is time for another. Let me sleep just a little longer. A few moments more and all will be well.

I cannot.

Somewhere beneath the diaphragm the cancerous palpitations had already taken hold. My arms propel me out of the claggy sheets and I rush into the bathroom determined to preempt the attack. Water. Water will be my saviour. It will turn my skin into silk and usher away all concerns.

It must. It must. It must.

Within moments I know the battle to be lost. I feel the pain scarring through my veins unabated. It buds through in sheets of ice, each limb offshooting another, clawing through from the core of my stomach outwards. Its ivy smothers the beat of my heart lassoing lungs and pulling in until it is impossible to breathe.

Let it end. Oh please – let it end!

Fingers cradle into the recess of the wall unable to steady the oncoming shudder. Each intake of air seers my nostrils. Breaths shorten. One. Another. A third. A few seconds more and there will be none to be had. Not weightless. Never weightless. Barely able to find my feet, I crawl into a towel. The lines of the walls dissolve all around me, melting into the floor. The room bursts into blurs of purple. Hammers pound through obliterating all in their wake.

All I have is fear.

 

Writing 101, Day One: Unlock the Mind

About this post: I am late to the game, having been away from my blog for most (call it all) of June when the Writing 101 challenge began. Nonetheless, I will attempt to follow into the footsteps of my betters and contribute to the mix.

The first assignment posited a challenge. I am not as a rule a “stream if consciousness” writer. To overcome this early hurdle I decided to describe a recent (this morning’s in fact) experience.

Many of you would have experienced anxiety at some point, and while I hope your own struggles have not fallen into extremes, I am certain that this piece will resonate with some of you at least.

I have no brush to paint you a picture, but this is the best I can manage to fashion in words. For the time being at least.

Warm regards,

Vic

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26 thoughts on “Stream of Consciousness

  1. Victoria, you painted this with bold strokes, creating a picture that is engaging, well-crafted and full of beautiful contrasts. From “claggy sheets” to “smothering ivy,” the imagery stays with you. Well done 😉

    • Thank you, Ned. It means a lot. There are times when it creeps upon one unexpected and all that can be done is wait it out. Since it decided to prevent me from taking to my pen today, I thought I would bring the fight back. Hopefully I won’t have to do it all too often, but there is something satisfying in being able to (near-surgically) remove it in creative fashion. 🙂

      • “Well said, Ned” – You know Lance, I rather like the rhyme and if Ned does not object I may very well use it myself in the future 🙂

  2. Vic your words are as good as any brush strokes! So powerful…evocative and the image is hauntingly beautiful too.
    I like writing prompts (but they do take me away from the task at hand – EDITING!)
    🙂

    • There again you are setting a great example, Lee-Anne. I am editing myself at the moment, although I have been taking some time to write as well: whenever an idea comes to me I have to make sure I jot it down or it may well disappear by the time I come back around to it. It does mean delaying work that absolutely needs to be done, but I hope it will all work out in the end.
      And thank you. Your comments always bring sunshine to my day 🙂

      • Thanks, Vic, that’s delightful! I do find editing a discipline that I don’t always stick to…so easy to be distracted!

        I know what you mean about ideas – they’re elusive things. When I get them in the middle of night, if I don’t leap up and write them down, I can’t remember a thing by morning. Good luck with your writing and editing.:)

      • Thank you, Lee-Anne. I have been stockpiling ideas for quite a while and I really do need to be more disciplined about committing them to paper, however raw they may appear to begin with. At this stage my mind resembles a filing cabinet and things are bound to get lost in there. Have been caching up on editing and writing (that and a little sunshine too). Hope you are well. Have a great week.

    • I thought it would be a worthwhile endeavour as I always strive to learn something new and hone my writing skills – that job is never done, no matter what the breadth of one’s experience might be.
      Assignments like this do have the advantage of pushing us out of our comfort zones and I am certain that (for me at least) it will be a rewarding experience, however many obstacles I may have to remove, crash through or jump over along the way 🙂 Thank you.

      • That is so true about writing, it is a never-ending, expanding growth area. I don’t think anyone ever says “Okay, I’ve reached perfection in writing.” And I’m sure you’ll continue to be successful, despite obstacles 🙂

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