PROJECT R in session #16 Julie L

          1. On Failure. What does love mean to you?

Love is magic! Really! But only at the beginning 🙂 Then it’s a bit confusing (where did the magic go? 🙂 ) and then it’s the part you get to know your partner (because the blindness is gone as well) and involves a lot of work to maintain it. Of course you’re not doing all this work because you have to, but you have to have a very solid base to start building on.

          What constitutes a failed relationship?

Not letting go of each other, not being synchronized in thoughts/ day to day activities, not being open, lack of communication, thinking that there’s someone out there better than your partner.

          What about a successful one?

Truly believing that your partner is the best! Best looks, the smartest, best sense of humour, best father! 🙂

Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?

Yes, I used to when I was young and stupid. Now I think both partners are responsible for the failure or the success of a relationship. Even if they fail see it.

          2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship?

I am very comfortable in my relationship that made it so far!

Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

Yes, I guess they’re in denial for some reason. Probably related to a very sad memory.

          3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

I don’t know. What I can tell is that I need my relationship like air right now. If for some reason I had to be out of it, I guess I’ll find a way to eventually feel fulfilled. I can’t tell if it would be a hobby or a new job. Most probably it would not be replaced by another relationship; it would feel really weird after the history we had, in the context that we are right now.

           4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there?

No! You find the person you like, you discover him/her, fall in love, fall out of the magic stage of love, and then work on the relationship because that person literally becomes the best friend you ever had, and you get to care about him/her more than anything in the world. And then the kid comes along! This brings a different kind of magic, which you’re sharing with the partner. And you start a new stage of love, an even more secure kind, with the ultimate thing in common (I know I brought the kid again in the equation, sorry! I think children are a blessing to partners that have survived a long relationship. The children are the universe’s prize for successfully surviving the relationship. And they have to come at some point, otherwise that relationship will fail. Of course, don’t have children too early in the relationship.)

          Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?

I guess anyone starts feeling this way at some point, no matter how cool or glamorous they think the single life is. Everyone needs love to survive.

          5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself?

Yes, I think that’s true. Nobody loves grumpy, insecure, frustrated people.

          What does self-love mean to you?

Being proud of your accomplishments and comfortable with who you are (looks and personality).

          To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

Yes! You have to let go for the other one. There is no such think as 100% compatibleness. So in order to make the relationship work, you also have to let go sometimes, especially if it makes the other one happy. Good will come to you as well if you let go! 😉 But fight for the relationship if the other one seems to let go too much of you. Sometimes this might happen as well.

           6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

I think smart people can find fulfilment in others as well. I like people who sincerely do so.

          7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

I don’t get this question, sorry…

          8. On Project R. Do you think this a worthwhile project? In what way, if at all, did this project help you think through the question of “relationships”? Feel free to add here any other thoughts you may have on the subject that was not covered by the above questions.

– I am pretty sure that whatever you started working on is a worthwhile project! 😉

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4 thoughts on “PROJECT R in session #16 Julie L

  1. Dear Julie L, thank you for your contribution to Project R. I loved your definition of love as magic; I’m sure that anyone who has ever fallen in love felt the same way. There have been other Project R pieces which made this distinction between being in love and being in a relationship, so it was interesting to see your interpretation of this as well.
    Regarding Question 7, I suppose it was included in order to get participants to consider whether the reason why some people are able to maintain long-term relationships and others not might have anything to do with their communication skills, whether our ability to interact with others in general has any impact on or ability to build romantic relationships as well. Feel free to add your answer in the comment box, if you like 🙂

  2. Pingback: PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted Completed | vicbriggs's blog

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