PROJECT R in session #15 Muniiba

|Tastes like Midnight| : http://muniiba.wordpress.com/

1. On Failure. What does love mean to you? What constitutes a failed relationship? What about a successful one? Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?

Love should not only mean everything to a soul. Love should mean that it is the one thing that a soul needs to earn everything. Love can make one help, love can make one recognize, love can make one surrender and love can make one absolute. Love is perfect and pure, that sometimes it is unfortunate how people mistook love with the idea of love and that makes the love for love slowly fades away but love is long-term, strong and endlessly entertaining so there should be no doubts about love and no worries on how to love.

To be frank, I have lived with both successful and failed relationships, but the thing about relationship is, it is never constantly at its peak. It’s always a roller coaster and even though the ride could be extremely thrilling, the turns and loops are rough and nerve wrecking. My relationship with my wonderful life partner is not perfect, but then again it’s just right. A successful relationship is when lovers break each other’s walls and build a stronger wall surrounding them. It is when my partner decides to come home to the dinner I prepared that make it successful, it is when my partner gets mad when I don’t take care of myself that makes it successful, it is when my partner is by my side through thick and thin and appreciates every second of it that makes it successful. It is the good morning greets, it is the good night kisses and it is the cuddles and hugs in between. It is when my partner brought me to his parents, or when he takes me to visit his “homies”, or when he introduces me to his ex-lovers as his “beautiful girlfriend” and makes me feel superbly accepted inside and out.

But a failed relationship, is the what if…we had gone through a fight and never apologized and moved on. A failed relationship is the what if…we didn’t trust each other when we’re apart. It is… if I didn’t give second chances. It is… if we see each other as not enough. It is… if we choose to ignore feelings and consider flaws. It is… if we don’t share the food together, it is… if we never shared a pillow together, it is… if we never saved each other’s lives and it is… if we chose lust over love.

The relationships that didn’t work out for me are always when the what ifs happen but despite of that, my ex lovers are good friends of mine because it is better that we have loved each other than to live with hatred.

2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

I’ve went through different phases of life with my boyfriend for the past eight years now and I’m more comfortable being in a relationship than to walk the road alone. It’s always better to have someone to share an inside joke with, or someone to push the cart when I browse between the aisles when shopping for necessities, and it’s always more fun to just be in our PJs, put on zero make up or hair gel, and turn off our romantic mode anytime we feel like it and fart like fart lords. Nevertheless, we do allow ourselves to have our special alone times if we need it. It’s very much scheduled. He has to work and I have lectures to attend during the day and at night we can either choose to stay in watch action movies together or fight over the joystick, or choose to go out separately for his boy’s nights out, or my girl’s night in. I assume people who cannot sustain long term relationship are those who had tough times in trusting people, or trusting themselves in being involved in commitment but everybody needs somebody to love, and nobody hates being loved. There’s nothing wrong with those who can’t commit, they just restrict themselves from taking the chances of undergoing an unconditional love or simply are not prepared for one. 

 3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

I am a sucker for romance. I dream of it. However, I don’t demand for it. Romance requires a lot of energy to tell you the truth. My boyfriend knows I would love a bouquet of roses, but he also knows that I would laugh when I let it die inside the vase. My boyfriend feeds me a lot of chocolates, but he also knows that he has to hear my complaints about weight gain. He would always, and by always, I mean, every single time, send me I love you text messages that can sometimes be typos. Technology ruins romance, I know. He would bring me to romantic dinners in a five star restaurant and we would cry ourselves to food coma before sleep from the guilt of spending so much on food when we could’ve just bought stall foods that could end with the same result but cost little. To answer your question, I don’t need romance to be fulfilled. As long as he’s present during the highs and lows, I rather be grateful than be fulfilled.

 

4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there? Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?

Absolutely. I was born to love someone and I will die loving someone. I never feel complete when I’m not with my boyfriend. No one to finish my sentences. No one to play slug bug games with. No one to debate with if something controversial comes up. No one to tell me to stop spending on unnecessary stuff when I go apes mad during sales. No one to slap me into my senses when I’m doing something stupid. No one to tell me I’m only PMSing when I suddenly become a psycho out of no reason. He knows me too well and that’s why he’s my other half. It feels empty and quiet when he’s not around. I’ve been through a long distance relationship and despite the distance, I was the girl who was hooked 24/7 on to her phone with none other than the other half who was miles away, being in the same situation.

5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

I would think that my parents did a job well done telling how special of a person I am every day of my life. I grew up with enough confidence needed to love myself. I take care of my appearance, I look after my health and in order to have a good life, not only do I have to ensure that the grass is the greenest everywhere, I have to make sure it’s constantly mowed, which means, I have to properly maintain myself.  I would make one hell of a life story of myself and choose either to make it happen or not. I like to think that I have control of myself so that loving me won’t be the hardest thing to do for a person. After all, my father always says, “how can you love someone else, if you don’t love yourself?” A person can only love you after you expose to them how easy it is for you to be loved.

6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

We live in a world where it is impossible to be fulfilled alone. To build a something you find fulfilling, you need your plans. To build plans, you need ideas. To have ideas, you need inspiration. To get inspired, you need motivation. To be motivated, is when there is support. To get support, you need either money that doesn’t last long, or relationships that are long-term and loyal. My family and friends have helped me to stand on a stable platform, where I can be the happiest all the time.

 

         7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

Not necessarily because I was pretty much independent when I developed my skills. Being in a relationship only made my ‘people skills’ better because I have the other half’s ‘people skills’ to double the joy. I can tell you this….I didn’t know shit what to say when I attended my boyfriend’s business dinner recently, it was all……money talk and mostly about construction sites. I felt as if I had zero skills in communication. I was the awkward girl who sat quietly sipping the OJ non-stop until my boyfriend decided to mention my (as he would say it…)”unique” qualities and skills in the media and education world which was far away from their comfort topic. Result? He made his very successful business associates speechless and impressed when I had to share what I know. Everybody’s different especially of how they build their own image and reputation, but the interest in gaining new information and knowledge is always mutual. Like I said, double the joy.

 

8. On Project RDo you think this a worthwhile project? In what way, if at all, did this project help you think through the question of “relationships”? Feel free to add here any other thoughts you may have on the subject that was not covered by the above questions.

It definitely made me want to give my beau a large hug. Project R has helped me to realize and remember why I signed up for a relationship in the first place. It is very much worthwhile. Thank you for the chance 🙂

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11 thoughts on “PROJECT R in session #15 Muniiba

  1. Dear Muniiba, thank you for your contribution to Project R. I think my favourite part of your answer is your very first paragraph, which is dense and multi-layered. It’s made me consider the fact that we could write a full treatise discussing each sentence in part and even then there would be more left over to think through 🙂

    • Thank you for allowing me to participate! I had a wonderful time answering the questions. They’re simple yet they’re very influential…definitely makes one wonder about the boundaries of love. All the best with future projects!

      • Thank you, Munnibah.
        After Project R I plan a new series called Let’s Talk Opinion. It will be less structured, no specific questions as such, but inviting anyone with a cause they feel strongly about to put it forward to fellow bloggers.
        The part I’ve enjoyed most about Project R is the opportunity to connect and exchange ideas with others, so I hope that Let’s Talk Opinion will continue the tradition and perhaps even improve on it.
        I’m glad you enjoyed thinking through the questions. It is a pleasure to have you here 🙂

  2. I really enjoyed and pondered over her answer about failed relationships and how she sees them as the “what ifs…” in each situation. It’s not just the end of a good relationship or faults of people that ruin and we think are the only “failed” relationships in our lives, but that soul-picking “what if,” that twinge of regret, that small voice in the back of our heads that keeps calling out the other possible scenario of how things could have been…I really enjoyed thinking over this part.

  3. Pingback: PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted Completed | vicbriggs's blog

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