PROJECT R in session #7 Gfixation

Name: Gfixation / Twitter: @Simplefixated

Website: www.fixatedann.wordpress.com


1. On Failure. What does love mean to you? What constitutes a failed relationship? What about a successful one? Did you ever think of yourself as a failure because a relationship came to an end?

Points to note:

1. How we love is based on how much love was showed to us growing up. We cannot expect every Tom, Dick, Harry or Jane to know what it is to love. That is a big misconception we have when love is at play.

2. Our views on love are vastly different (based on religious belief), how we profess our love to another depicts our beliefs.

3. Society plays a major role in creating facades when it comes to men and women, so, are you bringing your true self into the relationship? Or is it a facade you created just to be loved?

4. Society created these expectations about who a Woman/Man should date, how they are “supposed” to act.

Love to me is; everything, everywhere and everyone, the moment I am not honoring everything/everyone/everywhere, I am therefore dishonoring myself. Love is not perfect and the moment I got that thought out of my head, the easier love was loved. Love is (ME) co-existing with (YOU). Love is deciding not to participate in an argument because you are stress and that is when you “go off”. Love is the unspoken words of affection, love is staring at you immensely, wishing you’d read my thoughts.

Failed Relationships: 

A failed relationship, is one in which two person cannot co-exist, this can be because of a number of things. Even though communication plays a vital role in any relationship, from inception to the end, not everyone can communicate effectively.  Relationships are viewed in the eye of the beholder, hence some of us rush into a relationship without understanding the “beholder” and that within itself can make the relationship fail. We are human beings, we should not judge ourselves too harshly when a relationship ends, we should however evaluate the situation HONESTLY and understood why it ended.

Consequently a successful relationship, is one in which communication is present ever so often whilst understanding your partner ways of co-existing in the relationship. Sometimes his/her way of co-existing is so different from yours that conflicts may arise, this is where compromises has to take effect.

Failure within itself is such a powerful word that if you find yourself fixating on it, you will become a failure. A part of being human is, we fail at what we do in the present moment, but picking up the pieces can help better the situation.

          2. On Being Flawed. Are you more comfortable on your own or in a relationship? Do you think there is something wrong with people who cannot or would not sustain long-term relationships?

I am most comfortable when I am on my own than in a relationship, I am an introvert. Growing up, my parents were separated when I was 7 years old; my mother met someone else and moved out of the family house when I was 16. Majority of my youth was spent being by myself, hence being an introvert, so it wouldn’t be a surprise when I realized I adore my space and my “me” time. Previously this was an issue in my relationship (I do get tired of people easily). Presently, there is still conflict because my partner is an introvert as well, but they don’t like to be lonely (ahhhh this life). Should we separate because of that? no! In my view, it’s a work in progress. 2.4 years going strong (cheers).

I divert to say that as mentioned in #1, we are all different beings, how someone view their daily life shouldn’t be evaluated by outside force, but by what they believe in. Society will rip you to pieces if you indulge in their madness. With that being said, there is nothing wrong with someone who cannot or wouldn’t sustain a long-term relationship,

          3. On Eros. Do you require a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled?

Romantic and fulfilled, I think, should go hand in hand, but, for some it doesn’t. From me. I do hope for fulfillment but the work from both sides has to be continuous for the natural element of the relationship to be sustained.

          4. On Soul-mates. Do you believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone out there? Do you ever feel that you are only half of the equation, and will be ‘lacking’ something until you find someone to share your everyday life with?

It depends on their definition of a soul-mate, again, a word that was created by society to amuse people, what if someone doesn’t find their soul-mate? This soul-mate saga has caused failed relationships, I’m sure, because of the emphasis placed on it. We as individuals should be able to define our love life the way we see fit.

          5. On Self-Love. Do you think that to be loved by others you have to love yourself? What does self-love mean to you? To love, can it sometimes mean letting go?

I don’t think that to be love by others I have to love myself, people are who they are. I think that if I love myself enough I will recognize love in its true form. Self-love can mean so many different things to so many different people, but for me, self-love is accepting my true self whether good/bad, accepting that not everyone will love me, so how do I deal with that, accepting that society will NOT dictate how I live my life, accepting nothing less than what I deserve.

To love, Sometimes means letting go, again, not everyone who you fall hopelessly in love will love you back, not everyone we meet we will be compatible with, even though from inception it felt like it. Sometimes we see many abusive relationships and we wonder why does she/he stay?

          6. On Fulfilment. Can we only find fulfilment in others, or is it possible to be happy and find contentment in our other accomplishments, whatever our relationship status?

Fulfillment revolves around everything we represent as individuals, whether we are in relationship or not, most times our partners are the one who urges us to perform in a mediocre job, sometimes our families are encouraging us to be better individuals, so collectively praise should be warranted.

          7. On Interpersonal Skills. Are people in relationships simply better at ‘people skills’ than those who are not?

*chuckles* no! people are who they are bad/good, whether in a relationship or not. Who you are will show up in your daily life.

          8. On Project R. Do you think this a worthwhile project? In what way, if at all, did this project help you think through the question of “relationships”? Feel free to add here any other thoughts you may have on the subject that was not covered by the above questions.

Yes I think I was, we are so different, I anticipate different point of views from this project.

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5 thoughts on “PROJECT R in session #7 Gfixation

  1. Dear Gfixation, thank you for your contribution to Project R. I particularly liked the way you underlined the role society plays in shaping both our expectations of, and the way we understand relationships.
    PS: This comment comes a little later than planned: for some reason it did not post the first time around. Ah technology, the child of reason and yet so temperamental it turns out.

  2. Pingback: PROJECT R: Relationship Interrupted Completed | vicbriggs's blog

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